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What do yuo do when you try and you try with your husband but he DOESNT hear you or he ignores you when...?

My husband has a way of putting me down in public all of the time. Especially in front of his family members. I don't know why. I tell him all the time that he does that, he says I'm being sensitive. But I'm not, he'll yell at me in, make fun of me and criticize me, ( not all at once) but still. It gets to me very much. I always tell him after each incident. He'll be like "I wasn't yelling I was angry and my voice was a bit loud". Or "I was just teasing", or "every time I say anything you get mad". This has been going on for 3 years. He's not understanding how upset he makes me. He's not getting it. Sometimes I cry and explain, then he lays off a bit n its back to the old habit. He's not mean, but he should be more sensitive to my feelings. I almost never do anything wrong and I'm a perfectionist and it really kills my self esteem. I never doubted myself before him. I'm supposed to feel better about myself with him right?

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fefe87

Asked by fefe87 at 6:09 PM on Apr. 17, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,737 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • that's verbal/emotional abuse, especially if he's ignoring you when you reach out to him to solve the problem without getting crazy with him about it.
    I'm sorry :(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:13 PM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • He obviously has some problems with in himself that he needs to work on. It makes him feel better about himself to belittle you, gives him power. I'm not sure what to tell you to do about it...but there is definitely an underlying problem that causes him to act like such an ass. Tell him if you don't go to counseling together, you will leave him? I dunno. I'm sorry. it can't be fun to go thru. I'm married to a perfectionist so I understand the defeat you must feel when this happens.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • when he gets loud in public get just as loud back and ask why is it that when we are around people you feel the need to belittle me and cut me down? do you not see that this hurts? im betting it will shut him up real quick . dont wait til you are alone to say something stand up for yourself on the spot.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:38 PM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • well sweety its time for u to do the same to him and act like he does and if he says something to u say stop bein so sensitive i have bin there and it will get to him
    then tell him u do it to me all the time so now u dont like it huhhhh
    and u know how they like to beg for that little attention well say like ahhh
    i really dont feel like it just turn him away just the special things u r known for stop them no matter what
    and if he says something well tell him stop complaining or winding he will get the hint sooner or later
    now if he is abusive to u u might want to think about just bein a little wiser with your choice of words
    let me know what happens iam here i have bin there good luck
    cherylc1962

    Answer by cherylc1962 at 6:38 PM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • These are the kinds of things that happen to us when we don't have clearly defined boundaries as to what we will and will not tolerate. There is a wonderful book entitled BOUNDARIES IN MARRIAGE by Drs. John Townsend and Henry Cloud that I think will really help you with drawing some boundaries, but if you draw them, you will have to enforce them. There will have to be consequences for crossing your boundaries. When a grown man behaves like a child, you have to treat those breaches just as you would a child. One possibility would be to tell him that if he insults you in public, you will immediately leave and go home. That would mean you would have to go knowing you had another way to get home. Then, you must follow through and leave. If you can't leave the premises, you could leave the room. You don't argue or say anything about the situation. You simply leave. If it keeps up, you could even refuse to go places with him.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 7:53 PM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • I lived with that and it changed the second I acted the same way he did it only took a couple of times before he stopped he never said anything again when I did it right back to him. do it and do it louder it will stop as soon as you do not cry about it anymore I found out that just fuelled mine. Let your mind work open your mouth and let it fly think of trash talking like a guy and give it the old college try. It will stop.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 8:20 PM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • Next time he does it stand up for yourself and tell him in a loud voice "Knock it off, I do NOT like being spoken to like that and I will NOT put up with it anymore!" I would also tell him that if he wants to stay married to you he will #1- stop with that behavior (it is emotional abuse), and #2 go to marriage counseling. Good luck!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 11:15 PM on Apr. 17, 2010

  • I know the feeling...and it took me a while to realize that verbal and emotional abuse is something my son and I didn't need to be subjected to any longer. I filed for divorce. I noticed how much happier and more myself I was when I wasn't around my STBX husband. He wouldn't go to counseling, so I went a few times solo and now I'm moving on.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 10:13 PM on Apr. 18, 2010

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