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Should I relocate to be near my child that lives with her father?

I have a question with a lot on the line.I have a 4th grade daughter that has lived with her father and his wife for 4 yrs,I was given visitation.I have 2 other school aged children as well that reside with me.We are going to court soon to modify the current judgement and address the summer schedule,that being said I would like to know what other moms would do in my situation.I currently live 40 minutes away from my daughter and I am very unsure of if moving closer to her(within 5 miles)would benefit my daughter or myself.I brought up to her'what if mommy lived closer to you" and all she really said was"I dont care as long as I get to see you".I know it isnt her place to make me feel better shes the innocent one in all this,but I was disappointed to hear that to her it didnt matter,knowing to me that it would be a life changing event.Im not even sure if I would get an extra 5 min. with her if I moved..please help.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:03 AM on Apr. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • Since all the child needs is to see her mom as much as she can, it doesn't matter if you live 40 minutes away or next door, given that you wouldn't get to spend extra time with her if you moved closer. BUT I know it would make ME feel better to be closer to her in case of an emergency.

    Answer by pipermomofash at 12:07 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • 40 min isn't that big of may seem oceans to you, but like she said, as long as she gets to see you it doesn't matter where you live.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:09 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • when i was young i would have givin my right arm to be clost to my mom. i am sure your daughter feels the same. listen to he AND your heart. she needs you.

    Answer by Preggydyke at 12:21 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • if moving close wouldnt allow u to see her more. i honestly dont see the point in moving closer. NO kids care where their parents live as long as they see them. the kid wouldnt care if u were in another state as long as they saw mommy.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • If my child & I did not live together, I would want to live as close as possible. If you're within 5 miles, think how easy it would be to call her up an evening you have off and go for a walk together, or to take her out to dinner. I'm sure you'd be able to spend more time together if you move closer! And what little girl doesn't want to spend quality time with mom? I know I did!

    Answer by StellarJKD at 12:33 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • So what if you dont get to see her much. Living closer means maybe going to a school program, going to a movie just by chance or many other things. She is the child in this situation and like you said she is the innocent one. Do you think your other children would like to get to see their sister more, know her a little better. Who cares if she didnt get excited. She is 9/10 not 3. She may not show her excitement but it may make her feel better if you were closer. We cant make that decision for you because you already know what to do. Follow your gut motherly instincts on this one.

    Answer by lilmsnay83 at 12:35 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • I would want to live as close as possible, and nothing would keep me away from my child. Your other kids would adjust to the move. The most important thing to all of them is to be with you, IMHO.

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 1:09 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • I think you should move closer for yourself and for the chance that if you get granted more time with her it will be easier to do. I don't think her answer was off-putting, she definitely wants to see you and it wasn't a question of being able to see you more. As you said, it may not even mean an extra 5 minutes so maybe that was where she was ocming from- thinking it wouldn't change anything so it didn't matter, not thinking it didn't matter to not see you. I can understand why you would be sensitive to that, though. I don't know other details about how feasible a move would be, etc, but from what I know I think yes. It would be especially cool if the kids could go to the same school.

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 3:04 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • How would moving affect the other kids that live with you? Will it matter as far as visitation if you live closer? Will you be allowed more time with her if you lived closer? 40 minutes really isn't that far away. You really need to think of how your other children feel about moving as well. They will have to leave their school and friends. This is a huge decision and if moving closer doesn't get you more time with her, it doesn't make sense to uproot your other kids.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 2:28 PM on Apr. 18, 2010

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