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What is the right way to get a dead beat dad out of my 6 year old daughters life..for good?

I have a 6 year old daughter with my ex husband.The only real thing we ever had in common was great sex...and that didnt last long we were divorced 1 year later.My question is this:I am in my mid 30's and he is almost 29.As my daughter gets older it is becoming very evident , how terrible of a father he is to our daughter.A few examples are:I can count on 1 finger how many school related functions he has attended,he can curse at me and call me awful names in the presence of our daughter and it doesnt even phase him that shes there,this past Easter she was in a play @ church and he promised her he would attend..he didnt.And when she asked him why he wasnt there he said...your mom didnt wash my clothes!At that point I said "she wouldnt have cared if you would have worn a tank top". I can no longer stand to look @ him because of the way he completely could care less about her.How do I get him out of her life to him shes a burden

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:07 AM on Apr. 18, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (15)
  • I guess the big question is would it be more harmful for her to have a constantly disappointing Dad or none at all? Does he insist on being in her life or are you having to push him? If it's the latter, stop pushing, stop inviting, stop reminding about visitation. If it's the former, you can't. He has the legal right. Smaller question- you wash his clothes?
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 2:43 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • Bellarose0212,
    He does nothing on his own I constantly remind him and compare him to other "dads" that we know.He wouldnt notice if she were in the same room as he. As far as the washing his clothes excuse goes;before that night we had not seen him in a few weeks,and occasionally when he comes over I would wash his clothes..however this particular night he only had the clothes he was wearing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:14 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • Ah, well then, I think the answer is simple, just stop pushing him. That is, if you truly think it is best for him not to be in your child's life at all (and that is a weighty question that only you can answer, knowing your daughter and how his involvement affects her). I'm sorry, this is a sad situation but seemingly a common one, and I'm sure you feel so powerless because you can't make him be a loving, interested parent, even though you would surely like your daughter to have such a father.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 3:25 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • well, why don't you ask him? And you should look into your state laws about termination of parental rights. Here in Cali it's difficult to remove parental rights. but in other states it's much easier.
    outstandingLove

    Answer by outstandingLove at 3:26 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • I wouldn't kick him out of her life for those simple reasons. He might not be active in her school life but a lot of fathers aren't. Separating them is only going to make her resent YOU in the future. Let him stick around as long as he wants to and she will develop her own opinion of him and ask not to see him anymore. You can't and shouldn't make that choice for her unless he is abusing her in some way!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:53 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • even though he isnt perfect, he is kinda ajerk, and is not always reliable. it might be better than NO dad at all. unless he is abusing her i would say you simply need to set some firm boundries with him concerning language and respect. you can only be treated in how you ALLOW yourself to be treated.
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 8:03 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • It almost sounds like you are still living with him? Is he paying child support? What is the custody agreement? I would suggest that you move on with your life. If he wants to be in her life then he will. But you need to get him out of yours.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 8:37 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • You don't. A deadbeat dad gets out of the kid's life on all his own. Your daughter doesn't have a deadbeat dad. She has a dad who you don't like. That's very different. The only time you get to choose who your baby's daddy is going to be is BEFORE you get pregnant. After, guess what? It's not up to you. You may not like him and he may be less than perfect - but clearly so are you. Your trying to get your daughter's father out of her life because he's irresponsible. Not cool.
    I don't understand why so many mothers believe the kids are really theirs, and they "let" the fathers see them.
    If you were still with the dad, you would just be annoyed that he was missing things. But because you're divorced now, he has to be completely perfect in order to see his child? If it's true that you have to push him to see her, then duh, just stop. Obviously, that's not completely true or you'd have your answer.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:51 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • To anon@8:51
    He is a dead beat dad he has attended 1 function for his daughter and shes almost 7,for starters!Do not assume that if her father and I were still married this wouldnt be an issue because it certainly would be! And FYI we were on/off again @the time that I posted this question so do not tell me that if we were still together I would just be annoyed.Furthermore,any psychologist will tell you that it is better for the child to have NO RELATIONSHIP than one that is one built on when he feels like coming around.For you to place blame on me and say that I am wrong for keeping him from her is insane.Maybe that lifestyle is acceptable for your child ,however I have serious doubts about him in my daughters life.Your answer sounds as though you could be a deadbeat dad yourself on cafe mom and that surely would explain all the anger directed @ me in your response.You belong on MYSPACE!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • No psychologist is going to tell you that! But think what you want if it helps you sleep at night. Like I said, if your daughter truly has a deadbeat dad, you won't have any trouble getting him out of her life. But again, whatever helps you sleep at night. I'm not wasting my time on you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:21 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

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