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my child's father.. what should i do?

i had my son at a very young age and i regret getting pregnant with his father but i don't regret my child at all. he's the best thing that came along in my life, even if his dad is horrible. he had abused me physically and mentally for almost 6 years and even hit my son when he was just 3 months old. i kept telling my mom when i broke up with him finally that i didn't need child support because i knew that he would be entitled to visitation rights but she kept saying that i was a teenager and i needed money. now my son is 3 and absorbs everything like a sponge, i moved out of state and live with my DH, DS, and a new DD but when i go and visit my family i have to let his father see him, but with a person of common interest to mediate. but i still don't like it nor am i comfortable because he comes home talking about his "daddy". it also hurts my DH because he has been there for him since he was a year old. wat shuld i do? CONT

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:16 AM on Apr. 18, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • my husband has been the only real father he has ever had, and i don't want him to be around his bio father just because i know what he is capable of. should i give him a chance anyways even though i'm not there with them??? this is the hardest part of it all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • In all honesty, if he was abusive to you and was fool enough to hit a 3 month old...HELL NO!(not to be rude, but, wtf would you even have to think about allowing him to see him alone?) And to avoid the whole private visitaion, you shouldve pressed charges and IF he has to see his son, make sure that its supervised and if you'd like, make it a law official. Trust me, any man that does that, is prey to social services. Just be brave....and dont give in.
    ElleCherie

    Answer by ElleCherie at 2:22 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • First of all, he's entitled visitation whether or not he pays child support (according to the law). My best advice is to check the child everytime he comes back from his father's house. Look for bruising, etc. Document it. Other then that, in the eyes of the law, he is his father and he has the right to see him. It sucks (I deal with this everyday)
    TheDiva320

    Answer by TheDiva320 at 2:23 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • No, and I think you should just NOT go home to visit your family. Let family come visit you.
    Bellarose0212

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 3:28 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • Stop going to see your family. Tell them why. And tell them to come see you instead. Problem solved.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:52 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • I agree just let your family come visit u
    mamaofficer

    Answer by mamaofficer at 9:30 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • Abusers don't get to be trusted and there is no reason in hell to let him to go his biological father's house alone and just check him for abuse when he is with you again. That is completely ridiculous and horribly dangerous advice. He abused you and hit your son when he was a baby, no one should go going on about his rights. I agre with the other posters. Stop going to see your family. Have them come see you. Don't take the chance of what could happen next.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 10:03 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • Not that it sounds like a good situation, but he is entitled to visitation whether or not you receive child support. The two have nothing to do with one another.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:35 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • Is visitation cout ordered?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • he's NOT entitled to visitations just b/c he pays cs. In order to get visitations, he has to file with the courts. in that case, i wouldnt let him see the child b/c of his abusive past. if it ever goes to court, you can tell them that you feared for his safety and wellbeing.

    as for his step-dad... talk with him about it. sure, he has a "daddy"... but is his daddy there eveyr single day? who's the one who says goodnight/goodmorning? who's the one thats there to help him when he's scared? who's the one that helps him when he needs it? your DH is, and thats all that matters. even if he calls this guy "daddy"-- his real relationship, his TRUE BOND with a man, will be with your DH.
    Shy_Dia

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 1:02 PM on Apr. 18, 2010

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