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How do I tell someone not to visit me in the nicest way????

My MIL want to visit me next week, she said she was coming this weekend but canceled because she is going to babysit her grandaughter, then she wants to come and visit with her GD. I have been very tired and frustrated this week and I feel like if she comes and visits (4 hr drive) I will be even more stresses because I always feel obligated to act like a maid when she is here. But im ive just been so TIRED, I have been hinting that she should just wait until we all go visit her in May, but she is just insisting. HOW DO I TELLL HER???


Asked by Anonymous at 11:53 AM on Apr. 18, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Someone like that who doesn't pick up on subtle hints, needs to be told in a sincere but direct manner. Simply tell her WHY her change in plans is inconvenient for you at this time. Tell her you are looking forward to seeing her on Mother's Day, and maybe discuss that day/make plans with her at that time. It's okay to tell her you are worn out, and are not up for entertaining at this time. If she ignores your wishes, then just do your best to deal with her visit, and do not go out of your way to entertain. Maybe she'll get the hint then?!

    Answer by LoriKeet at 11:57 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • just pick up the phone and say "mom I would love to see you but as it turns out next weekend is not going to work for me. Im sorry I wont be able to see you until may but we are really excited for that visit"

    If she gets upset she gets upset.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:56 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • It's your husband's mother and he should be involved in what should be done and what to tell his mother. If she doesn't get to visit often then she should be able to see her grandchildren. If it is just a few hours then there is no reason to deny her that. If she is planning on staying for days then it would be reasonable to consider her staying in a hotel depending on everyone's finances.

    Almost all mothers are tired. It helps a lot to accept it and just do the best you can.


    Answer by Gailll at 11:59 AM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • Ignore Gaill. The first post sounds like good advice. It's your house, you're an adult and if you say no, she doesn't get to insist. Your husband is likely going to be working so he doesn't have to be the childcare provider and the maid and the entertainer to her and the other child on top of everything else you're already doing that actually has to get done. I do not understand the fact that just because you are related to someone they think it gives them the right to force themselves in your home when you have already said no. And contrary to what Gaill says, being a grandparent doesn't give one the right to barge in and impose. She can wait a couple of weeks until May.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • LIE - Say you won't be home.


    Answer by KairisMama at 12:35 PM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • I agree with Gaill. Grandparents should be afforded every opportunity to spend time with their grandchildren, as young as possible. Also, while I would try and go through my husband with her, over the years I've developed my own rapport with my MIL and tell her quite candidly I'm too exhausted to be hostess, maid, etc. If she decides to come over anyway, at least she knows what she's in for. More respect and allowances should be given to our elders and less emphasis on catering to our self centeredness and illusions of grandeur. I don't understand why young Mother's feel like they have to emphasize MY HOUSE, or MY CHILD or MY RULES. That just smacks of insecurity and your not being used to having anything. It takes a village to raise a child. Learn to develop a network of support for yours.

    Answer by Ewadun at 12:36 PM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • Ewadun and Gailll...



    I agree with them both. The older I get the more I realise that it is not all about me and what I want when it comes to grandparents. I agree with telling her you have had a bad week and are not up to playing the hostest with the mostest, but if she still wants to visit it is fine. She may be happy to help you out with getting what you need done, or she may be happy sitting in your messy house. She wants to see the kids and that is the most important thing.

    Big hugs to you, I have been where you are and know it is a hard spot. But I have learned it is easier and wiser to give in sometimes.


    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 1:07 PM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • maybe she will give you a break

    Answer by staciandababy at 2:35 PM on Apr. 18, 2010

  • it is your house, your time and you have the right to say not right now.. But I would be as repectful as possible and gently let her know this is not a good time for you.. if he is willing have you dh talk to her..

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:48 PM on Apr. 18, 2010