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I need suggestions please.

I'm in shock right now. My beloved mother-in-law passed away this morning quite suddenly. She is in the UK and air traffic over Europe is still suspended due to the Icelandic volcano. It is highly unlikely that we will be able to attend the funeral.
How can we achieve closure?

Please be respectful of the fact that our family is not religious. Sincere prayers are welcome.

Answer Question

Asked by beeky at 11:40 AM on Apr. 19, 2010 in Religion & Beliefs

Level 34 (68,345 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Can you have a small memorial in your area/home for her? Invite close dear friends and maybe other family who knew her or are related to her. Put up some photos, some of her favorite flowers or such items and maybe give some memory stories about her. Then once travel is safe again go and visit her grave site to say a more final good bye to her...

    I am so sorry for your loss.... My thoughts are with you and your dh in this sad time...


    Answer by gmasboy at 11:47 AM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • Maybe have others take pictures. My family has a tradition of taking flowers from the grave and giving them to family members to dry, maybe do that. I'm so sorry for your loss.

    Answer by purpleducky at 11:58 AM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • I agree with gmasboy, blessings..

    Answer by Daphna28 at 12:06 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • I am so sorry for your loss, I know all too well how traumatic the death of a love one is when it is not expected. I will send prayers your way, as far as closure, maybe you could view the funeral via cameras on the internet, it is better than nothing, hugs!

    Answer by older at 12:11 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • I agree with the personal memorial. I saw a movie one time about a Native American who was the last of his tribe. The white man who befriended him was upset learning of his death and couldn't get to him to perform the ritual he had offered to perform in the native American's culture. So he performed it from a distance and basically the main thing was to sing so his ancestors could hear the singing and come to greet him. Not sure what you believe but I always liked that so when I hear of someone dying now I sing. It could just be a story but it's one I like and it gives me that closure.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:35 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • so sorry for your loss. when my mom passed away, it felt really nice to look at pictures of her and just to talk about the funny things she said or did. That really helped us deal with it.

    Answer by proudmomma777 at 12:48 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • Im so sorry *hugs*.

    I agree, a memorial of your own with pictures and memories shared and maybe her favorite song played. Its about remembering and honoring her life so I think you can get the closure you need in that way.

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 1:03 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • Thank you ladies.   We have no one we can share this with in such a personal way.  All of my husband's family are in England and my close family are 400 miles away in another province.  Although when we visit in the summer we could arrange something then.

    Video of the funeral would help us to feel like we attended but I always considered that to be inappropriate.  What do you think?  I guess I never considered unusual circumstances.


    Answer by beeky at 1:38 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • My mother's funeral meant nothing to me. She wasn't in that coffin--only her discarded body was. When I got home after an exhausting day, I sat in the quiet of my bedroom. I tied a purple ribbon around a white pillar candle and placed her photo in front of it. Then I lit the candle, and sat, thinking about the mother I remembered. I smiled. I cried. I told her how much she meant to me and I blessed her spirit on its journey to the Other Side. If you think of her and talk to her, the part of her that is still alive--her soul and spirit--will come to YOU. They are drawn to us by our love and respect for them. You don't need to be there when that dead husk is lowered into the ground. Her life hasn't ended. It's just changed.

    Answer by witchqueen at 2:25 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • It's hard I know. i was unable to attend the funeral of both my grandmothers. I did a quiet candle memorial myself. Put a picture of her up and light a candle. Share with whatever family you do have around your thoughts and memories. I don't think a video would be totally inappropriate, but I really don't know. I'm pretty sure she would understand why you can't be there in person so try not to let that bother you. Say what you need to say and do what you need to do to help yourself through this even if it seems out of the ordinary like video taping. I'm sorry for your loss.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 2:31 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

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