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Should I stick around if he hasn't said, I Love You?

My bf and I have been dating for a solid year. We work for the same company, earn similar incomes, travel together. I have a young son from my 1st marriage. I told him I wouldn't introduce him to my son until several months into our relationship. So after 3 mos I did so. He's never wanted kids of his own but he's doing pretty good around my son when the 3 of us get together. Now it's been one year into the relationship, and I feel that at a crossroads. He's never said, "I Love You" to me. I've said it before to him. These 3 words not spoken to me is giving me a funny feeling that I had better let him go. Any thoughts?

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:58 PM on Apr. 19, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Some men don't find it easy to say so they try to show it. If he shows it then I wouldn't be too upset. If it bothers you then ask him before you invest more time in this.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:00 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • If you feel that you should let go, then you probably should. Have you ever discussed this with him, though? You've said it to him, but have you ever discussed why he doesn't say it back? I would do that before ending the relationship. Find out why he doesn't say it. Does he not feel it? Or is he just not comfortable with the words? If he doesn't feel it, if he specifically says he doesn't love you, then you know it's best to move on. If he's not sure, you can decide whether or not you want to give him more time. And if he's just not comfortable saying it, that's something that can be worked on, too. And speaking of that...does he do anything to indicate that he loves you? Does he say or do anything to indicate he sees the relationship moving forward, being together for the long haul? Things like that matter, too.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:02 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • Don't put so much emphasis on those three little words, they are often said and then people get treated like crap. Emphasize on his treatment of you, and how well you get along and connect, some men have a hard saying these words, a lot afraid of commitment. You want him to validate where the relationship stands, I get that, but why not straight out ask?

    Answer by older at 6:03 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • (continuing my thought) My boyfriend & I say I love you, but one of the ways that I know he really does is how he refers to us long term. "When we get married" (We're not engaged), "When we get a house" "After the kids graduate" (They're my kids, not his), "When we retire". Statements like that tell me he loves me b/c he's thinking of our future, instead of just the next time we'll have sex or wondering if there's someone else out there.

    Hope that helped you out a little bit.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:04 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • op here: We do get along but I envision anything longterm and cant see him as a "family" man. I mean, I have a child and anyone I marry would need to fit in a family style role. Our travels together are awesome but I also need someone who wants to settle down in our own home and be willing to spend quality family time with my son on a routine basis.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:08 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • Well, that makes a big difference. If you don't see him as being able to fit into the family and being a "dad" so to speak, then that tells you right there that you should end things. No sense wasting time with someone that you don't really see a future with.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:11 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • There's more to it than his lack of an "I love you." You say that you don't see him fitting in as a family man with you and your child. Maybe he is just comfortable with the way things are with no particular direction. You on the other hand have come to the point where being a mom, you need to know where things are heading and have someone who is solidly committed to you and your child. If he hasn't made a move towards this in the year you've been together, it will probably never happen. I once dated a guy who was willing to just coast along indefinitely. But I wanted more and broke up with him after 6 months. 2 weeks later, I met the man who would be my husband. Such a difference with him because it was clear that things were moving along and progressing towards the relationship I desired. By the way, my DH told me he loved me after 9 months! The momentum was there before that.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 6:33 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • I think you answered your own question. I see 2 red flags, he doesn't want kids (he may be good with your son but that doesn't make him step father material) and in a year he still hasn't said I love you, that is odd to me, if he did he would tell you in some way whether it be in a card or in person etc.... Ask him if he does love and see what he says. I had a friend who just broke up with her BF after 2 years, he never said I love you to her and she asked him if he did and he said no.

    Answer by newmomma14 at 6:52 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

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