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How do I handle this situation?

My daughter goes to my in-laws house on Sundays and has been doing this since she was born. She is 21 months now. We started doing this to allow her to spend time with them as well since we dont see them often. Well it seems that most of the time that she goes there they feed her icecream or other dairy products. Well I wouldnt normally have a problem with that but she cant handle dairy products. She gets explosive diarrhea plus ends up with a diaper rash from it. She was on soy formula as a baby and is now on soy milk so its not like they arent aware of this. I have told my DH numerous times to talk to them about it and when he does they say "Well it was just a bite so its no big deal" But I know it has to be more than that! I am ready to say she cant go over there anymore till they can follow her diet but DH said I cant do that. How should I handle this?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 7:52 PM on Apr. 19, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (10)
  • Take over a dairy substitute that you know she'll eat.

    Answer by admckenzie at 7:54 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • talk to them yourself. dont be hateful or rude about it. just next time she goes over there ask them to please please please not give her dairy. tell them yes she may like it a lot but the outcome when she gets home is awful

    Answer by jennifer588 at 7:55 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • You can talk to them and offer snack suggestion. Sending snacks with her is a good idea.


    Answer by Gailll at 7:58 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • My neice was like that. My mom was feeding her stuff she was intolerant of and I finally said "Mom! You can't do that!" Have you told them what happens when they feed her dairy? How many hours does it take before the diarrhea happens? My first reaction is to tell you to leave her there longer and let them see exactly what it does to her - that's what finally made my mom realize it - which was when I told her she couldn't feed her certain things anymore. If it keeps up, don't send her til they promise not to give her dairy - you're going to have to put your foot down for the well-being of your child. Your DH can back you or he can stay out of it. But I totally know how it goes - you have to put your foot down or it'll keep happening!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:45 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • I would take a snack over there with her and when you give it to them remind them of her allergy

    Answer by Nicsone at 9:15 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • Grandparents just want to spoil. The problem is that they do not understand the pain that people with dairy problems have, it just does not make sense to people that do not have problems. One little treat or taste could mean tummy problems for the rest of the day (we actually call ice cream in my house a bowl of tummy ache). I am lactose intolerant as well as my 13 month old daughter. My poor dad was so excited about having his first grandchild that all he talked about was spoiling her and taking her to Dairy Queen for ice cream. Well, he can not. She is lacotse intolerant. We have non-dairy treats for her in the freezer at all times so that way when daddy eats his ice cream or my parents want to give her something, they have things that will not cause bad tummy problems and diarrhea. Good Luck with the in-laws and I hope that they understand sooner that those pains can really hurt for the rest of the day.

    Answer by vickwu at 11:13 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • go over there and watch them with her. when they try, tell them no. be calm about it-they will likely try to guilt-trip you. just be firm, calm and consistent.

    Answer by TempestRayne at 11:20 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • Grandparents or not they need to respect your rules, I really dont understand this, I know they want to spoil but when its at the childs detriment in the long run, they dont have the childs best interest at heart, maybe they would understand more if they were there to see the aftermath and the discomfort of the child.

    I would talk to them myself if I were you, otherwise it will jsut continue, they are always going to be in your childs life and your life, so it would be best to have open communication lines.........and offer to send snacks or tell them what type of treats would be more in your childs best interest.

    Answer by Princess_s21 at 12:11 AM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • I would talk to them myself, and tell them what's up (non-confrontationally).
    If they don't listen after that, I would stop allowing them to take care of her. They are ignoring an allergy, which is a very real health risk. It's also not fair for them to put your daughter through getting sick. As for your husband, I would tell him to suck a rock if he doesn't like it. The health of the kids come before his or their feelings, period, end of story.

    Answer by emslala at 4:25 AM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • I would try and make them understand and tell them that if they fallow your rules then you will have to take visiting privilages away.

    Answer by Lacymarrie at 6:44 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

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