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How do I talk to my husband about our sex life?

My husband and I have been married now for almost 3 years. After we got married, (4 months to be exact), we got pregnant with our son. I had a horrible pregnancy and we rarely had sex. Our sex life before we got pregnant was ok, but nothing too spectacular. It seems like its always about him and more recently it has gotten worse. We rarely have sex and I can honestly say that I've never had an orgasm with him. I don't know how to talk to him about this situation because I'd really like to spice our sex life up. How do I talk to him without hurting his feelings?

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Asked by MelandDustin at 10:51 PM on Apr. 19, 2010 in Relationships

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Answers (7)
  • Buy a vibrator!!! I never could figure out how to talk to mine either. We were married for a short time too before I got pregnant, so I can really relate to you!!!

    Answer by MPW2005 at 10:55 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • I let him know while we're having sex......I mean, I let him know if I like something (Oh, yes - don't stop - that feels so good - faster - say Uuhm - ...and stuff like that)
    I don't let him know if I don't like something (unless it hurts) it's not like I boo him or something ;-D
    I just don't react to things that don't do it for me.

    Answer by Nynne at 10:58 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • Try what you want and tell him to do this or that in the heat of it.. Take control one night and see where it gets you. Men are very touchy when it comes to this topic, so don't say anything that might hurt him unless he just don't care. Some men need to be taught. If he is into it, go to the sex shop, look online for different positions that might be fun for the both of you.. Most important have fun. Things will not go as planed sometimes and thats ok. Just keep working at it. No way to tell where you ill be in 3 or 6 months from this LOL.. Hubby and I are in a great place because of me taking control. Now he knows just what to do.

    Answer by midnightmoma at 10:58 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • You owe it to yourself to speak up. The longer you wait, the more he'll assume everything's OK. My sexual therapist had me practice masturbation (on my own, of course) before I spoke with my husband, so that I could show him exactly where my "spot" was and talk about what turns me on. Since men desperately need to feel appreciated, any talk that doesn't start off your appreciation of him will perceived as a direct attack against him. By emphasizing that YOU have a problem and YOU need HIS HELP, he'll more likely hear you. (That hero thang)! Talk about fantasies you two can play out. Give out sex coupons, girl, i.e., Daddy's way, Mommy's way, Quickies, etc. Consider toys, games, tasties, porn, etc. Good luck!

    Answer by Ewadun at 11:01 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • I know this is hard and uncomfortable to talk about. But its important. You need to teach him what to do. You need to guide him to where he needs to go,,,if you get my drift. Once he see's how much pleasure you are getting from what he is doing, it will totally turn him on. He might just be afraid of going that route, b/c you guys have had a certain level that you set up and now this is going into new territory. But dont be afraid to express yourself,,,I dont think I ever had an orgasm with my first bf and we where together for 7 yrs. It leaves us ladies feeling incomplete, he gets his and we dont get ours. Vibrators are good as a last resort, unless HE is in control of the vibrator...Dont be shy, I think if you really are honest with him and tell him how you feel, it will be a total turn on for him,,,,good luck!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:03 PM on Apr. 19, 2010

  • I'd say "Hey, what do you think about.... ?" That opens the conversation up.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:04 AM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • The problem with "vibrators" is that you can become desensitized and no human can reach the speeds that it can. It's great for a quick fix but not as a solution for your problem. Men are more visual than we are. I got the book "The Joy of Sex" and shared that with my hubby. I suggested "Why don't we try this or that?" he was skeptical at first, but couldn't beat the laughter it generated. My first orgasm was one I gave myself and I thought "Whoa,  I should have this feeling all the time" and it gave me the courage to talk with him about it. The whole world looks better after a hard orgasm versus a soft orgasm. There is a BIG difference. Men know this. Go get yours, girl....


    Answer by Ewadun at 10:03 AM on Apr. 20, 2010

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