Over and over on here you hear about how terrible pre-birth matching is yet no one has a realistic solution. Without it, the bmom looses the opportunity to meet and interview the right couple and loses the opportunity to have their expenses paid and the hospital bill paid if needed. The baby wont just wait at the hospital while she takes her weeks to interview couples, it is a living being with 24/7 needs that someone who isnt parenting shouldnt have to deal with (midnight feedings, childcare, purchase of a car seat, crib, clothes, formula, etc). Depending on the reason to place, the child could end up suffering.
If you eliminate pre-birth matching, it is much easier (and cheaper) on the Aparents but the Bmom and child suffer. How is that a better solution.
Asked by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Apr. 20, 2010 in Adoption
Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:27 PM on Apr. 20, 2010
Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:57 AM on Apr. 20, 2010
Answer by lisa89j at 12:05 PM on Apr. 20, 2010
Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:29 PM on Apr. 20, 2010
You could still meet parents, meet many parents, just don't promise a baby to them. Say look, I've met you, I like you, I'll keep you in mind. But I think they should be no where near when the mother is in labor and giving birth. That is your time. Then after the birth the baby goes to a private foster home for a few days until everything is final. Then the adoptive parents get a call, one of the birthmom's chose you and gave birth come pick up your child. You could still work out the details of open adoption or what ever you want. But there needs to be some disconnect to allow the birthmom to make a choice unpressured and not feel obligated. And I don't think it makes a difference if you had 3 visits or 23 with the potential aparents. They are on their best behaviour for you anyway. How much do you really know them?
Answer by BlooBird at 1:38 PM on Apr. 20, 2010
Answer by Iamgr8teful at 7:19 PM on Apr. 20, 2010
Answer by Iamgr8teful at 7:23 PM on Apr. 20, 2010
We had bad experiences with pre matching. Even with my son's birth family. If I did do a private adoption again, for my own personal sanity, I will not. I did have one agency several states over call us asking to show our portfolio to a young couple that was married, already had a one year old, and already signed away their parental rights to their newborn. The agency was asking just for the ability to show our profile. We declined because of the experience we had just been through that was a pre matched situation that didn't go through. Neither one of us was ready. Looking back I think about how that was probably much better to already have both parents sign and then be picked. I say that from the perspective parent side. Not all PAP's would think that I know. But for me it was so intense to go through process before the rights were terminated.
Answer by frogdawg at 10:16 PM on Apr. 20, 2010
Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 11:01 PM on Apr. 20, 2010
Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 PM on Apr. 20, 2010