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married women please answer

so i am married, we had are first daughter in dec, she is a ok kid cranky and all like most. ever sence i went back to work its been nothing but tenshion when my husband and i are together, i get mad at stuff easly and he even trys hard trust me. we had a talk and we agree'd to try harder, and he helps me out alot more with the house stuff now, why do i feel like we are fallin apart? he even says he doesnt want to and i strongly agree i love him and couldnt imagine being without him.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:55 AM on Apr. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • we go this way after i had my daughter. it's stress. you are so focused on your new bundle of joy that ya kinda forget to give him the attention that he once had with you. this leads him to be irritable and that make you the same way because at the end of the day you are so tired, take a breathe! leave your daugher with a family member for the evening. go out just the two of you to dinner or movie or something like that. try to do his once or twice a month. believe me it works just hang in there and don't give up.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:00 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Well the most important thing you can do is keep communicating. Talk to your Hubby about how you're feeling, but don't nag him, or yell, just talk to him about what's on your mind. The best thing to do to is get to the point and don't make him guess at how you're feeling. He should also do the same. Since you're both working I think it's fair to split caring for your daughter down the middle. Then you both get a break once in a while. Take turns with bath time, both of you do bedtime, take turns reading a story, etc.. It's never going to be a full 50-50 deal but if you need help with her just ask him. It sounds to me he wants things to work as well as you do. GL hope it all works out for you.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 12:01 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Is there any way you can have a close friend or relative babysit for you? You and your husband need some time to yourself to keep close. My husband and I have no support system at all where we are. We have to just grab whatever time we can get to be by ourselves. More often than not that is the time after the kids to go bed and before we fall asleep. When we have a visit with our relatives, they are good enough to say if we want to get out for a bit they'll sit for us.

    Working and taking care of children is very hard. Couples put themselves on the back burner and that backfires. Learn to let the little things go. I still have a difficult time with that one but you have to. Let go of the little irritations and find the time to hug and kiss each other. Sit down together and talk about things other than your baby and bills and work. Life is harder now but you can do it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:03 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • It's a very stressful time in your life. I've been there. A marriage, baby, working, housework. It is a lot to deal with. When they say "we've been together through thick and thin" you are in the "thick" right now. It will get easier. Can you afford to get someone to clean your house? That helped me out a lot. Take some pressure off yourself. Everything doesn't have to be perfect. Good luck to you! You'll get through it.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 12:03 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Before I had kids, I remember one of my 40 something co-workers telling me that the toughest time in your marriage is when your kids are little and if you can keep communications open and tough it out, you'll be ok! It's so hard, esp when you have a new baby. Just keep communication open. Your DH sounds like a keeper, just know this is a phase, you're not falling apart, you're regrouping and it will take some time to get back in the swing of things as a couple and get yourself situated as a family. You guys sound like you're making good choices.

    nwdeserangel

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 12:08 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • how long have you been married?

    this situation sounds like a dampenned down version of the issues my husband and I have. we're on pregnancy number two and have been married less than two years. Cheyenne, our daughter, was concieved a month after we got married.

    we go round and round.

    it sounds to me like you guys aren't completely satisifed that you are truly cared about and loved. you're not confident in each other.

    my suggestion for this is to really make it clear to each other that no matter what is said, done, comes around, tries to come between us, reaches up and slaps us temporarily blind, NOT MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, that you are married to him and you have no intention of giving up on the most important vow of your life. (most importatn because now days we vow to do things all the time, half hartedly)

    if you don't get the same re-assurance... there might be other steps to take. we only get one life.
    rucafox

    Answer by rucafox at 12:11 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Another thing you have to remember is that your hormones are all over the place as well.
    nwdeserangel

    Answer by nwdeserangel at 12:11 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Hormones, shmormones.

    Why are women forced to believe they have mental issues? We have evolved to be so much less militarized, and when things nag at our instincts we can't help but to address them.
    rucafox

    Answer by rucafox at 12:36 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • My husband had more arguments the 6 months of our son's life than ever before. I believe it is just adjusting to your new life. Everything changes and it takes some time to get into a routine. Keep talking it out is the only advice i can give you. It will get better, keep talking it out!
    PotterMom218

    Answer by PotterMom218 at 12:51 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • It's because your a full time mom plus you work and plus you have a household to think about, even thou your hubby helps it's still all on your shoulders. Women tend to get caught up in raising kids running the household work etc. etc. so they end up putting themself on the back burner. Once you have kids your marriage changes by far you just have to make sure you give each other attention and keep moving forward, you will have some good times and then you will hit some major bumps in the road, you just have to work through them and not let them get between you and your man, good luck momma

    looovemybabies

    Answer by looovemybabies at 12:52 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

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