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What changes with marriage??? Freedom is a single woman's word?

Okay, for those of you who are married or even those in a long-term monogamous relationship, when you got married/got with your partner, did you stop doing things with your friends? Are you only supposed to do things with your spouse now?

I ask because my fiancee gets absolutely DISTRAUGHT whenever I bring up the idea of having a girls night or even just wanting to go to a bookstore and read for a bit. Last Friday was a good friends birthday and I went to dinner with her. The four days and nights leading up to that he wouldn't sleep or eat, because he was depressed that I wanted to go. He says he just doesn't understand why I would want to do anything without him when he never wants to be away from me. He claims that I do not love him in the way that he loves me. He never goes to do anything with any of his friends though I try to get him to. He won't agree unless I go too.

Help ladies. Is this normal?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:20 PM on Apr. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Your fiance and I would mesh well. I feel the same way. I really can't think of anything that I would prefer doing without my husband in tow. We don't go out with friends separate of each other but we do small things like shop or visit family.

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 2:24 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Are you for real? Is that the only subtlety to the story? Nothing else bothering him or your relationship except the desire to get out and do something with your girlfriends once in awhile? Then, that is grossly weird. And it will only get worse!
    If, though, his reaction is based on the two of you not having quality time together... then have quality time with him and THEN go out with your girlfriends. The key word is QUALITY time. You two get a date together, then you get a date out.
    He's probably also used to not hitting up his own friends to go out to enjoy himself without you. Maybe he's rusty and scared of having to make plans to keep himself entertained. Well, that is entirely his bad if that's the case and he'll have to get used to it.

    Answer by preggoandfat at 2:24 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • It's not normal, he has issues. Time to find a new man unless you want to live like this the rest of your life. It could be warning signs of emotional abuse.


    Answer by Gailll at 2:25 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • I should tell you, though, that we DID stop going out with our friends solo when we got serious with each other. Not that it was a bad thing, that we missed our friends - it just naturally happened. The deal is, though, if that's something you do need then you should be able to do it without the guilt trip. It's completely natural and healthy! I feel like we're a little UNhealthy for not getting out enough with our friends.
    And, you have kids, right? Hence, on cafemom? Well, hell, then, a relationship is sometimes as much work as watching/caring for kids. You deserve a break. His whiny butt should give that to you with no qualms.

    Answer by preggoandfat at 2:27 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • That might be normal at the beginning of the relationship when you're still in "obsessive" mode, but if it's been a while, no.

    It's perfectly normal (and healthy) to do things without each other every once in a while!


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:28 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • op here- Someone asked if we have any quality time... Right now we live together, but we do still do a date/movie night every week. if we for some reason do not keep our plans, then we will stay up a night after our daughter has fallen asleep and have wine and play Wii or something stupid like that. We love to goof off! haha... We have been together for a vey long time, but we have only been engaged for 4 months. I do agree that the majority of our time is doing stuff with our little girl, but one great thing about us is that we never neglect each other. That is why is absolutely pissing me off that he does this to me when I want to go out without them for a change. I mean considering my schedule(I work outside of the home, our daughters schooling and extracurricular activities, I am a full time student that's been studying for the LSATs and getting ready for grad, our relatioship, planning our wedding, etc) con...

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:36 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • I just wish he would understand how starved I am for contact with humans outside of our household hahahaha... All I asked is for every other week, just let me either go to the library and read or a dinner out with the girls... And he just can't handle it...

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:37 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • My husband and I spend most all our time together but it is nice to be able to do things without him sometimes. I think it would be unhealthy if he can't spend and enjoy an occasional night without you.

    Answer by bjane01 at 2:55 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Okay, OP, then it's a case of TRAINING him! LOL. Okay, my guy used to throw his snot rags all over the house. I had to deal with nagging, and his complaining that he doesn't have a garbage can apparently attached to his littering arm, lol, for about a YEAR. You know what? About one or two snot rags now on the floor a week. I'm happy. He's been trained. It is something you need and he really has to get used to it. I am so sorry he's making it a sore subject! You totally deserve it! I'm also working/school/primary caregiver/primary breadwinner... I need the time and he begrudges me a gym workout here an there. Fight for it, lol. He'll see his err real quick ;)

    Answer by preggoandfat at 3:11 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Since both my DH and I work full time, we spend most of the free time with each other. However, I see nothing wrong with occasionally doing our own thing. If he has a business dinner or out of town, I'll see if my girlfriend is available. It's not very often. But most of my friends are mom's and have very busy lives too so that is a hard thing to line up. I do enjoy having free time to myself occasionally too - doing my art, reading or watching TV. Sometimes a couple of hours alone is nice once in awhile. He's the same way. Last night, I was home, but I spent the evening upstairs with my daughter as she wasn't feeling well. I think my husband enjoyed having some mindless time by himself watching the basketball game.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 3:24 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

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