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My friend is cheating... would you tell?

A very close friend of mine admitted to me she is cheating on her husband. Things were going great until this other man came into the picture. She even admitted she knows its wrong while it lasts but doesn't care because he makes her feel so good. I am in such shock because I never imagined she would ever be capable of this. Whats worse is her husband is very good friends with my husband. He came to my husband saying she's been spending too much friend with a guy friend who claims to be gay. They've been arguing about it this past week. I dont know what to do. I want to tell her husband because he deserves to know. My first marriage ended a decade ago when my husband cheated. Everyone knew and no one told me and I felt like such a fool. So I really feel for him. This whole thing is so out of character for her! I am still in shock by it all.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:10 PM on Apr. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • don't snitch on her..... let her come clean about it herself
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:12 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • A couple years back...this is on a smaller scale because we were younger and no one was married...but this girl was like my best friend...and she had a boyfriend that I had just met, but we became pretty good friends as well...and she told me she cheated on him a bunch of times...and I told him. He was such a good guy...and I felt so bad for him, because although she was my friend, what she was doing was wrong, and it wasn't fair to him...he was a good guy and did not deserve to be treated that way and made out to look like a fool the way your friend's husband is right now. Honestly, I would tell him. But you have to KNOW that he'll believe you, and she wont lie her way out of it, and make him hate you...I would talk to your husband about it, and see what he says you should do. Good luck. And I'm sorry you're stuck in the middle of such a sticky situation. Hope all goes well.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • This happened to two girls I know. They were great friends, and their husbands were great friends. They went on vacations together, and they were all really close. Then one of the girls lost a ton of weight and started going out to bars. One thing led to another and she ended up having an affair with another man. When her friend found out (don't know if she confided it or what) she was so outraged that she did tell the husband. The marriage broke up, and so did their friendship. Everyone felt sorry for the husband, and respected the friend for doing the right thing. I can't imagine that it was an easy choice to make knowing that the result was the end of a marriage and the loss of the friendship.

    Either choice has it's consequences. You're going to loose a friend either way - either it's her or it's him. I'm sorry you're in such a tough spot.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:16 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • She said she doesn't plan on coming clean. I've talked to her about it already- and everything she stands to lose- she said she doesn't care, he is like a "drug" to her (her words.) Meanwhile, her husband is working long hours, coming home and watching the kids while she spends the entire evening- some nights until midnight with this man who her husband thinks is gay!
    I asked her what she would do if she gets caught? She said he'd forgive her and get over it but she doesnt plan on getting caught. Im so disgusted by it all, I havent been able to hang out with her since she's told me and I'm avoiding her calls. I'm NOT okay with this- at all. In fact, I wish she'd never of told me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:16 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • I would disassociate myself with her...unless that's the kind of person youhang out with. She shouldnt have told you because now your stuck in the middle of a rock and a hard place. I would tell but know it will end your friendship. Or advise that she divorce her husband...she might as well if she doesn't care that she's hurting anyone in the situation!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:19 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Do not tell. But tell her you can not be her friend anymore because of the cheating she is doing.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 8:19 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • *lose

    Sorry.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:19 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Since she doesn't care, and you can't stand the thought of what she is doing to her husband, I think you SHOULD tell, and let the chips fall where they may.

    I am certain that I would want to know...I would rather not be thought of as the fool in the relationship! :o)
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:21 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Tell your hubby and let him tell.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • (continued)
    I did tell my husband and he got kind of flustered and goes, "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL ME TOO!?!" Clearly he doesnt want to be in this position either. Her husband came to church sunday with the kids without her and my husband could not even look him in the eye. She never misses church but she went out drinking the night before. In the 8 years I've known her, she has never drank AT ALL- not one drop. In the beginning because she was underage, then she was breastfeeding her kids one after another. Its just all so bizarre- such a drastic change :*(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

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