Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

would you think this is cruel?

My husband and I have been trying to adopt for awhile and now we have had some luck and have a very very good chance of bringing home a baby from Africa ( Ethiopia ) ... Now the baby will be black, we are white, we also have a daughter who is white. We live in a small country town, and basically our baby will be the only full-black person ( there are 2 other kids but they have a white mother/black father) ...We also have a few ignorant members of our family that make race jokes ( but we really only see them on certain holidays) ....

Anyways alot of people who know we are planning on adopting her, say it is cruel of us to bring to her a place like this, where so many wont be tolerant of her, etc. The way we see it is that we already love her, we want her with us, and she is still a baby by the time she starts school there could be more kids like her & more people will love and except her!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 PM on Apr. 20, 2010 in Just for Fun

Answers (13)
  • Well, keep her away from your racist family members. The world is horribly cruel and if your town is as small as you say it is and if African Americans are a great minority, then it is likely you'll all be dealing with racism. Can you manage it? Can you move to a more gentrified part of the USA if it became necessary to protect your family?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Bringing her into your loving home (regardless of what opposition she may have growing up) seems way kinder than dropping the adoption, and leaving her as an orphan in Ethiopia.

    Enjoy your new daughter, and thanks for being adoptive parents.

    Answer by mogencreative at 10:46 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • I live in a very diverse area so it's hard for me to really understand what it will be like for her as the only black child in a small town. But I would think it's much much better to bring her into a loving white family than to leave her in a poor Ethopian orphanage waiting for someone else to adopt her, someone else who could very well be another white family from a small white town.

    Answer by mybella81 at 10:48 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • I think it's cruel of them to feel like she won't be accepted. However, being I live in an area where there are NO Black people and where they are looked down on when they do move in, I understand that it's a real issue. But I think it's more important to love a child than it is to let the opinions of narrow minded asses affect your life with their "what if's" and "maybe's." Adopt your daughter - Love your daughter! And if they don't like it, don't invite them for birthday cake... You are giving this child a life she could NEVER get without you, to stop her from getting all that she is worth because someone is nasty - that's cruel!

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 10:48 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • i do think it's something you will have to take into account before you adopt her. she will feel very lonely being the only black girl.... and i'm assuming she is dark-skinned to boot (although some ethiopians are brown-skinned, but still much darker than a mixed kid). i wouldn't set her up for a childhood filled with ridicule so i agree with pp..... if you're really serious i would move to a more diverse town or prepare yourself for alot of drama


    Answer by princessbeth79 at 10:48 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • People may be cruel at first. That's just how human beings are, but everyone will get used to her being around. There will be a point when no one realizes the color of her skin. That's how it was in our neighborhood. As far as your family is concerned, let it be known before you bring her home that kind of talk will not be tolerated. Odds are everyone will love your daughter and no one will think about saying anything that might hurt her.

    Answer by krissyvelazquez at 11:04 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Congrats on the newest addition to your family! May you all be blessed!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • I live in a white country area and there is a couple i know who adopted a black baby girl 8 yrs ago..there is extreme fear of black people up here....and most accept this girl because they know who she belongs too..
    however she is very much out of place. Yes she is loved but think about this for a minute...would you feel okay being in an all black community?
    However will you teach her her roots and so on? you do realize that once she is raised in a white community that alot of her race will reject her when she gets older. I have known black kids who are raised by whites who are lost and vice versa...because their own race doesn't want them and neither does any other race. We really haven't come as far as we would like to think we have when it come to racism

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:14 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • I don't think it would be cruel but i would be uncomfortable. I'm black myself even though i was rasied around mostly black people I grew up going to mostly white school, since the ones in the city were so horrible. it wasn't a great feeling being the only black person in my class not only did i not fit in but iwas looked down on and made fun of. it will be hard for her but as long as she knows you love her and she can depend on you she should be fine. every child needs a loving home

    Answer by symle456 at 11:39 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • i am torn I can see that you love her but it really is not about that If you have family who wont accept her yes I think it is a disservice at minimum

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:46 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.