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Cosleeping and husband issues and sex issues.

My daughter is 8 months. We have coslept with her since she was born. Well my husband has been having issues because we used to cuddle and we no longer cuddle when sleeping. Our sex life has def. gone down in quantity also because of it. I love my husband but I also like cosleeping. I have been putting my daughter in the crib for naps, I used to hold her and take a nap with her. So she will sleep in the crib. I think my husband is alittle jealous because I am very affectionate and before the baby it was all focused on him, and now my attn is on her. Has anyone else had this problem and what did you do? I want to respect my husband but the baby takes my focus. Even when we do have sex I am distracted, worrying about the baby waking up. I feel bad for him because we had a great sex life before, and now we are down to once a week. I still love him, I feel like my focus has changed, well now he feels unloved and unwanted. Help.

 
Sillybillymel

Asked by Sillybillymel at 11:18 PM on Apr. 20, 2010 in Relationships

Level 10 (394 Credits)
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Answers (10)
  • yes, almost exactly. I had to just make my husbadn more of a priority than i was. Every opportunity I had I would make myself more sexually available to him, I think that helped a lot. We had to be creative about it, and although he still prefers the bed, we sometimes didn't get that opportunit and had to find other places. When we slept at night I would put the baby between me and the wall (make sure that you don't let baby slip through the crack, so I put a blanket between the wall and the bed), and cuddle with him until the baby wakes up to nurse. But now we have 2 and one more on the way, plus my husband doesn't fall asleep until 6 am (because he works the swing shift), and so I'm in the bed with the kids by myself.

    but Ireally think you need to make your husband more of a priority, SEX is huge for guys, thats how your husband connects with you! So, I think if you make that more of a priority he will feel more included
    Precious333

    Answer by Precious333 at 11:30 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • You can always get baby to start out the night in her crib so you can have some alone time with hubby, then move her into your bed after she wakes up.

    As far as "turning off the mom," well that's really hard for a lot of moms with infants...you'll need to tell hubby that you'll need extra help and warming up from him to really get in the mood.

    Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • FInd a time OTHER than night time to be affectionate with him. Sex doesn't only have to happen right before going to bed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Cosleeping does not always mean that baby has to stay in the bed with you. Cosleeping also means that the baby sleeps in the same room as well. Have you thought about maybe putting the crib in your room and putting her in it at night? You will still have her in the room but your hubby will have only you in the bed.
    We, as a society, have made the mistake of making our children the focus on our lives. The downside to that is we put our relationship with our spouse second. If we dont' make the relationship the priority then it harms our children. It's hard to do and something that I learned the hard way (divorce) but one I will not make again. Your hubby has to come first after all the basic needs of the baby are taken care of
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:23 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • Compromise. We had that problem. We happened to have a second bedroom that wasn't being used. We'd sleep with the baby then when he wanted to have sex we'd go to the other room. We could stay and cuddle or we could get up and go back in with the baby. It worked well and was a great way for us to get the baby to sleep alone. Not sure how to do that if you don't have a second bedroom.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • co-sleeping should stop as soon as it no longer works for the whole family. maybe that time is now.
    bestmommyeber

    Answer by bestmommyeber at 11:27 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • All I can say don't neglect your dh much longer you have to make time for him. He needs loving too!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:41 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • We've co-slept with both of our children and sex has never been an issue.

    A lot of the time we have sex on the couch, against the kitchen counter, in the shower, on the bathroom counter, on the kitchen table and other places that aren't bed. It's fun and we don't have to worry about the baby.

    BUT we still have sex in our bed. We just put the baby in the crib for a little while.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Apr. 20, 2010

  • maybe its time to stop co sleeping.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 12:43 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • He needs you to focus on him, I know it's hard to get back to that point right now, but it's so extremely important for your marriage. Just start small and work your way up. Acknoledge to yourself that he NEEDS time with his wife, time that you will do your best to actually focus and enjoy him. When you go out of your way to make him feel loved, he will be much more supportive of your parenting and the jealousy you mentioned will dissappear.

    I went through something similar with my husband and by the time he actually told me how unhappy he was with our sleeping arrangements I thought I was going to have to stop co-sleeping right then. Turns out all he needed was a little attention, for me to learn how to juggle being a mommy and being a wife at the same time. DD's 2 1/2 and will still randomly climb in bed with us in the middle of the night and cuddle up right next to hubby, and he loves it. The problem was me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:43 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

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