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What can we do about my DD deadbeat biological mother?

My husband has a dd from a previous marriage where the wife signed full custody to him at the age of 2.We married and have 4 kids total now.She was ordered from the getgo to pay 14% of her income per month for child support or $130 whichever was greater.She never paid a dime and now about 6 months ago she tried to get custody and lost (dd is 8 now)but the judge ordered the we pay half of the visitation costs which is VERY high considering we live in Hawaii and she lives on the East coast.She started paying $15 a month in child support and has only seen her daughter once since we moved here three years ago because WE paid for us all to go back to the east coast for a visit.Now we got a bill today saying we have to pay her $3 grand in ten days for her to buy round trip tickets for the summer visitation or we have to go to court on her turf which means us flying out there.We CAN'T pay this,what do we do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:14 AM on Apr. 21, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (6)
  • I have to add that she just bought a $400,000 house with her husband and a brand new 2010 Tahoe. She has two other kids as well. I would love for my daughter to get to know her "real" mother but she is so flighty and unreliable it saddens me. But bottom line we don't have that kind of money laying around to toss at her with ten days notice. It burns me up that she has the audacity to ask for it when she hasn't paid child support in six years and if she continues on this path of paying $15 a month the money she is asking for is equal to 200 MONTHS child support. I just don't see why our family should suffer financially because of this woman who doesn't even give two hoots about her daughter.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:20 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Visitation and support are separate. If you guys are ordered to pay half of travel, then you have to pay half of travel. End of story. Although I find 3 grand a bit high for half of travel expenses. Ok, that's insane. I haven't checked flight costs to Hawii lately, but surely there's a cheaper flight.

    Sounds like the bm is a POS and a deadbeat. You are required to give to her per court order or face sanctions, but she is throwing the court order in your face when she doesn't pay support. It seems very one-sided in your case, and I totally get it. And I would be angry too, but there's nothing you can do about the visit. I would file contempt and hold her responsible for all the back support though. Let her go to jail. She hasn't paid in 6 years, she deserves to go down like a deadbeat dad would.
    lisa37743

    Answer by lisa37743 at 8:32 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • I agree with lisa37743, absolutely take her to court for contempt & hold her responsible for the back chid support. Maybe if she is threatened with jail time she will give up her parental rights & you won't have to worry about it anymore. As for the visitation costs, $3000 as half is ridiculous! Can you find alternate flight information and dispute her travel arrangements? You do not have to pay for first class travel, etc., so if you find a flight that is cheaper for the same dates and similar times, and let biomom know about it, but she refuses the alternate arrangements, I don't think the court would look too kindly on her. After all, the idea is she wants to see her DD, so the flight arrangements shouldn't really matter that much to her, kwim?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • And what happens when biomom's family conveniently can't make it? And you've given her $3k? Yeah, I'd seriously be making some phone calls to the atty. I can get a full vacation package to Hawaii for DH, DS, and I for $3k.
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 9:32 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Oh, and it would be half of HER travel, not for the whole family... look some tickets up on orbitz.com, ONE two-way flight, and counter-offer to pay half of that.
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 9:34 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • I would contact an attorney in her area to fight this for you, so hopefully you don't have to fly out there.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 10:38 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

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