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How do I get my household back in control?

I am a single mom to 3 kids.Two boys 16 and 14,and a girl 6. I am finding myself in a position that I dont know how to get out of.My two boys fight and argue constantly.My older son doesnt hesitate to hit his brother for the slightest thing.My oldest in the past month or so has also begun to speak to me in the most disrespectful and hurtful way(profanities included).I went in his room today and saw that he has punched a hole in the wall.When I questioned him about this and explained that he could not go around destroying other ppls property he said....I dont care ......his attitude and behavior are so bad that I hate having my other kids in the same house with him,and im terrified of the impact his behavior could have on my 6 year old long term.He has taken a drug test and passed,any thoughts on getting this out of control teen under control? I almost called the police a few days ago because he was screaming profanities @ me..

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:18 AM on Apr. 21, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (9)
  • Try to think back to when this behavior started. What was going on? Where is the boy's father?
    Perhaps looking into family counseling would help.
    Gealach

    Answer by Gealach at 3:48 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • You need help hun. Maybe a family counselor you could all go see together? Or even separately! It sounds like the boys don't respect you and that's hard to re-gain control over! Some quality family time together on the weekends might be helpful? Movies, Monopoly, something.. to help instill some of those family values back into them. Nightly family meetings where you can go around the table and everyone can share their concerns, frustrations, ideas etc.. lay out some rules, responsibilities, chores and consequences and be sure to follow through.. Help show them that you're a team all working together and that you need help around the house. I'm just throwing ideas out there. I hope it helps! Good luck!!!
    Malibustacy

    Answer by Malibustacy at 3:49 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • He is way too old to talk to you like that and get away with it. Which is why he does it, you let him away with it. Time to grow some major momballs so to speak. Next time he talks to you badly, warn him and if he continues, smack him in the mouth. Don't punch him, you could get in trouble... but open handedly smack him in the mouth. Then ground his butt! Let him know what he does is absolutely unacceptable. You're not gonna babytalk corner time yourself out of this one... he's much too old now.

    Best of luck to you.
    Gremlyn

    Answer by Gremlyn at 5:49 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Boys that age are full of aggresive testosterone! I am assuming he is larger than you and that he knows that he can dominate the family (ie. alfa male syndrome!) If there isnt a man in the house that can show him up physically, I suggest reminding this "man" that you are only required to provide food, clothing, and shelter. Remove any tv, game system, cell phone from his possession. Tell him if he wants to be a "man" to act like one....1. never threaten someone out of anger because only a whimp does that. 2. get a job (if he doenst have one). 3. Get his rage undercontrol, or you will have the police help him to.
    Tough love mom! You have other kids to worry about :)
    momsbreak5654

    Answer by momsbreak5654 at 6:04 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • I agree with Gealach where is the dad, here, are you still together. he should do something about it. and even if you two aren't together anymore you should still tell him about this situation and he should still help you out. withthe kids. he is his father after all right? And if you think you all need a family counselor to help out then get one.. but mainly you and his father should work with him first.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 8:48 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • i agree with a few ppl here, but would certainly not let that continue, i agree that he probably has some anger issues and could use a good therapist, but at the same time you need to command that RESPECT that he is supposed to have for his mother. what is his life like now? does he have a tv, games, a car, etc? does he work around the house or have a job? does he have any hobbies or after school activities? what are his grades like and how is his social life at and out of school? try to list some things that he does that he enjoys and also think of what could be making his so angry. when he is calmer see if you cant ask him what is wrong. but the next time he raises his voice or curses at anyone, you TAKE EVERYTHING HE HAS and make his life miserable. remind him where his meals come from, but you must be there to supervise (he may try to run away or something if he is already acting out) but u have to put your foot down.
    secondtyme520

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 9:02 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • personally my course of action would be more like gremlyn! the first time he yelled i would have smacked him clean in the face and told him to get it together!
    secondtyme520

    Answer by secondtyme520 at 9:04 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Carry a water bottle & spray him in the face whenever he gets verbally abusive. Take the hole in the wall as an opportunity to teach him how to fix it. You break it. You fix it.
    motherofhope98

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 5:25 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • I'd spend some time with him alone and see what's making him so angry. If he doesn't know then I might try putting him in an Anger Management class. If that fails to produce a positive result, have him tested to see if he has a disorder that he can't seem to control. Many of them include uncontrollable rages.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:11 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

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