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how would you feel if your 1st born told you he/she hates you and wants to go stay with their dad?

The dad hasn't been there for the child and you have been doing your BEST with your child! How would you handle it!?


Asked by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Apr. 21, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

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Answers (11)
  • My son is 10 and he has said that to me. It made me feel awful. I was angry and hurt. But I tried not to show it. I know that he only said it out of anger. I realize that even though his dad hasn't done too much for him through the years, my son still loves him to pieces and I think he even fantasizes about him being a great dad. And because he's NOT a great dad, I feel sad and I feel guilty because I am the one that chose that man to father one of my children. His dad is getting a little better about spending time with him though, so for that I am grateful, even if he still isn't "my ideal" for my son.
    I told my son that I was sorry that he felt that way and it made me sad but I still love him and I will always love him and do my best for him. He started to cry and he apologized for saying that to me.
    Its so hard for kids of divorced parents at times, I know he feels pulled in 2 directions with his feelings.Stay strong, ma.

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 9:30 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • my son did tell me he hated me and doesnt ever want to see me again. He didnt say the dad part because my dh is the only man he really knows as his dad. It hurt me so bad hearing it though and i went in my room and cried for a minute and then i came back and told him that he can hate me all he wants but i will always love him and he can stay in his room until he is ready to love me again

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:56 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • At that age they have no idea what they are saying for real. She's had to have heard that somewhere and wherever she heard it, the person has no coping skills to deal with anger. Use it to teach her how to cope with anger and disappointment. I wouldn't let it upset me. I'd just tell her it makes me sad to know she feels that way and I'd miss her if she leaves.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:06 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • I'd say it's normal. Yeah it kind of hurts. My 1st born did this too. She'd say she hates me and I said " That's ok. I still love you." Of course it helps that daddy lives in the same house here. Need to find a way to help him/her work through the anger. you're there to be the parent not the best friend and rules are there for a keep them safe.

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 9:14 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • I would pat them on the head and say "Gee, thats nice dear" and walk off. They are just doing it to piss you off, why give them the satisfaction, they are just being toddlers

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 9:18 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • That's normal. You know the old saying, "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence".....well kid's don't realize that it really isn't. My kid's have said that (and there was no absentee parent) and we just told them....that's fine but we love you.

    Answer by meriana at 9:41 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Seeing as how I said it myself as a child, I would understand, although I'm sure it would hurt. If her situation is anything like mine. I lived with my mom most of the time, when I was with her I had more rules, I got in trouble more, I had to go to school. It wasn't as fun. My dad didn't see me as often, he was fun and I never got in trouble. Not that I was a bad kid. But what my mom probably doesn't know is that I flipped out on my dad the worst one time screaming and telling him I hated him and want to go home and all of that. I was only about 4 but I still remember it. He didn't say anything which I think kind of freaked me out, I expected him to get mad but he didn't. And once my tantrum was over I felt really awful about it. Trust me, your daughter doesn't mean it.

    Answer by mybella81 at 10:49 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • My son said that when he was about 4. Its hurtful, but the reason he said it was because he didn't want to clean his room. He has structure in my house and not at his sperm donors. It happens take it with a grain of salt.

    Answer by shamillionaire at 11:24 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • My sons have told me they hate me but never that they want to go live with their dad (he walked out on them 2 years ago---when they were 6 and 18 months). Yeah it USED TO hurt when they said they hate me, but then I realized they were just expressing anger. They didn't really hate me they just had no other way of explaining how mad they were. I would always respond with "that's okay I still love you." It took me a while to realize they didn't really mean it--especially with my first son.

    Answer by lissa27504 at 11:31 AM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • my daughter 4 tells me she hates her dad. who is always at work , I just tell her those are very ugly words and that is nothow a princess talks. then I tell her if she keeps saying ugly things about people then that makes her ugly, she is very very a girly girl so everytime she says sorry.

    Answer by SkylaReneeMom at 12:01 PM on Apr. 21, 2010