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How do i deal? I love him so much!

2 months ago my husband told me he had cheated on me. He wont tell who, what, how, or when. We where going though a difficult time and he found a friend in this whore and it got out of hand. All he will tell me is that they started and he stopped it cause that is not what he thought he wanted and all he could think about is me and our son and what this is going to do to us. He wants to work out our marriage and work on us. I really want to but the thought of him with that whore just kills me inside. I cant stop thinking about it. It has completly taken over my life. I do notice changes in him but i find myself trying so hard to pick apart the flaws and causes fights all over again. im having a hard time forgiving him for the pain, hurt, and disrespect he has done. How do i forgive him? How do i move forward? Has anyone whos huband cheated and they worked through it and are happy then ever now? PLEASE HELP!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Apr. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • i think you should consider marriage conseling. it may help and it may not but it wont hurt to try.. good luck *hug*
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Me. Though,I have to ask you why do you think he told you about it? I mean because,now since he told you that much he is obligated to sit down and be a man and tell you the details. If he does not then that alone will drive you apart.
    My dh cheated on me with a mistress. She was completely banannas and very young. He never would confess but it was like that old cartoon from playboy where the wife is holding the groceries and walks into the bedroom and the husdand is in the process of doggie stle w/the mistress and he says"honey,it's not what it looks like!" When I caught him he told her it was over. We have since gone ON and to a much better place. We have renewed our vows in the church and I know I feel closer but I than GOD that he did not confess and spill the beans. I just told him,I know about her and it has to end. I am really sorry for you. ((Huggs))
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Ask and keep asking until you feel satisfied with the answers in the end the only way you will be able to move on iss to know the truth. Start to find something for yourself as well try martial arts or boxing it gets right down to the belly of the beast get a pair of gloves and hit a heavy bag while your doing this think one thought how are you going to move on be honest with DH and most of all talk it out with a therapist. its too damn late to make it go away but do take care of yourself.

    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:03 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • He told me because he just couldnt live with his self anymore. Besides this crap he is a good man, he ALWAYS makes sure our son and I have everything we want and need. I never thought that we would be in this situation. We have always been so close. He went into a new career and it definitely change the man i married. He wont tell me who because he says he knows how i am and i will hunt her down and cut her. And i know i have too much to lose for that but that is his reason. He always says nothing good will come out of knowing and that he is with me and he is trying to work it out and he loves me and only me so i should just stop dwelling. I have thought about marriage counseling and have look into it and got numbers i have never called because he thinks the same that it could hurt or help and he doesnt want to risk anymore but im really losing my self i feel like im going crazy!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:03 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • I think it is very important that he share everything with you. I don't see how you can rebuilt the trust without complete honesty. If you can't handle the info without being violent you should see a counselor. In fact a marriage counselor sounds like a good idea.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 2:17 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • He needs to be honest with you. Is it someone you know? I agree with the others- you can't trust him if he's still holding out. It is one step away from lying to not tell you. It sounds like you still respect him since he's really a good guy and she's a
    "whore" so, maybe, that's hopeful. Bottom line. He's got to fess up to EVERYTHING, but you might be sorry you know. Good luck!
    Hazelnutkin

    Answer by Hazelnutkin at 2:48 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • MARRIAGE COUNSELING. This is NOT an option. If you want to keep your marriage, to a counselor as fast as you can. The fact that you say you wouold hunt the woman down and cut her, the fact that you keep calling her a whore...says you need a third party upon which to vent your spleen. Your anger is JUSTIFIED...but pointless all the same because it cannot change what happened and you need to find a way to move on.

    See a counselor STAT, or your marriage is as good as dead from the anger.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:22 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • i am seeing a marriage councler and an individual one for myself. it has helped me a lot. good luck.
    BUDDHASBABY1

    Answer by BUDDHASBABY1 at 3:37 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Every time you get stuck on it you give her power over your life. Is she worth it?
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 4:48 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • my ex cheated on me and once a cheater always a cheater. Make sure you get for the both of you tests for STD no joking. It takes one time to get pg well it can take one time to get an STD.When my ex cheated on me while we were married I did blame her but after a little bit. It is not her fault it is his fault no more talking about her she's not married to you she did not make vows to you. he did.
    You might go through t later on what can I do to make thing better. Having another child NOT, Moving out of the eara NOT my ex did it with a co=worker and when I found out who because he told me who I thought if I talked to her that I would feel better NOT I told him to not work there and to give notice and he did. But it still didn't make me feel better. and she was not pretty.
    He drank though out our marriege.and cheated and just got better at it.
    What doesn't break you makes you stronger. Good luck. There is a better men 4 you
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

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