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I know kids will be kids but it still makes me sad....

OK so we put our son in a Daycare Center. He has been going there and been in the same "class" with the same teachers for over a year.. kids move up and out and come in at a certain age.. Well, for the year he's been there, he's been bit 3 times, by 2 different kids.. I know its an age factor and not typically a big deal to most people but it still makes me sad and he is showing signs of becoming aggressive now also. he's only 2-1/2 but yesterday he got bit and then that night he tried to bite me and hit me and kick me.. they shadow the child that did it and do all the "right steps" for the program rules but I really still am having a hard time with it.. it made me so sad that I brought him there this morning. I am his mom, supposed to be able to protect him and here I go bring him to a class where he's been hit and bit by other kids his age... am I over reacting to be upset by this?


Asked by maxsmom11807 at 5:22 PM on Apr. 21, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (12)
  • Absolutely not over reacting. He is your baby and you do not want to see him be harmed in any way. Daycare can be great for kids but it also has it's evil sides as well, such as this situation. I went through the same thing with my daughter when she first started daycare. She came home and would do the craziest things she has never done before ever, including the biting. I would inform the daycare providers each and every time it happens. They are the ones who are responsible for what these kids are doing while they are under their supervision. I know kids will be kids but adults also need to be the adults and try their best to control the situation.

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 5:32 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • :( ok this makes me sad. my son just started preschool (for special needs children). he is 3 and he is autistic. he is severely delayed and his verbal and comprehension level is on the age of a 15 month old. my son uses biting as a defense (if kids are taking toys away from them, he cant verbally tell them no so he bites), he is also very overwhelmed easily when in large playgroups (which is when this happens). it just made me sad to read this because i feel sooo bad when i find out he bit someone. it is the age though and hopefully your son will come out of this stage though. his school and teachers act like its no big deal and im like "really? he bit someone and you are completely calm!!" of course i know that he doesnt understand why its bad and that he shouldnt bite but i still feel so guilty.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:30 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • change schools. if he is showing signs of aggression he is not properly being shown that what happened to him was not ok. he should not learn to be aggressive in a shcool setting.

    Answer by cassie_m at 5:31 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • i understand where anon is coming from too but the other children who are being bitten need to be told it is not ok. all that takes is a simple "im sorry that happened to you" there are ways that the other children wont learn the aggression from the aggressor. my three year old has disabilitys jsut as you explained and its frustrating she would just scream.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:33 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • I know what you 18 month old son never had problems with hitting, biting, kicking, or not listening .... and then for like 2 weeks straight I had a friend and her 21 month old over here everyday ( they were fixing her house) .... and her son acted awful and she did nothing to stop it ( he would basically beat on my son until i had to hold him on my lap the whole time was there -- he even started hitting my 3 year old daughter) ....... a few days later my son started doing the same and now I am so sad/upset ...I also understand it is an age thing but that doesnt change the way i feel...

    Answer by glamomomo at 5:35 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • It's the age. He could just as easily be bitten at home if he had a close in age sibling, and you'd feel sad about that too. I didn't realize this when I had an only child, and I cried when I found out she'd been bitten. Now I have more than one child, and I realize this kind of stuff just happens sometimes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:37 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Anon: that's just it.. In reality I DO understand that these kids who are biting are doing it out of lack of verbal skills and they are getting molars etc.. I do understand the reality of it but how much is ok? bit 3 times, knocked over by running kids where he got bruises, being hit by other kids his age.. he is very verbal and tells me these things And I talk to his teacher and she says it never fails, things like that seem to happen when she's changing a poopy diaper or even when she's not around, yes, he's around 8 2 year olds at the same time, I wouldn't be able to watch each one either or control them all but I'm sad for max. Would he be better in a home daycare where there aren't as many kids his age so these stages are past ? he is in the best center in our state by records standards and I love them normally but this is really too hard right now. I am very proactive and try to understand but how do I protect him then?

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:38 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • glamomom: that's it.. I work really hard at working with him as a only child on sharing and being nice and not hitting and kicking when he's frustrated and in turn etc... so now that I see these aggressive behaviors, I can't blame him for having them as they seem to be constant for him to see... but this morning he's crying for me as I drop him off and can't blame him for being sad. He's a very sensitive and of course, sweet boy.. ( I am biast I know lol ) but he really is.. he's wild and crazy energy wise but never wanted to hit or bite me til these things at school.. it just makes me so sad that I have to discipline him for this because its almost like he's being taught it is ok or redirectly nicely but can be ok still, you know?

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:42 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • im the first anon. i hope i didnt seem like i was trying to say that you dont understand or anything. im not saying its ok. im not ok with him biting. im explaining why he is biting. he isnt doing it to be a mean child or anything...i do want to say that things happen. my son has been bitten. its just part of growing up. accidents are going to happen and its a learning thing...part of being a kid. i understand you wanting to protect your son. i want to protect mine too and im sad when he gets hurt as well. but i dont think i would pull him out of such a good school for something that can/may happen at an in home daycare. kwim? again i hope this doesnt come across as being ugly or anything because thats not my intentions. im just trying to show you another way of looking at it :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:45 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Anon: Oh no, I didn't take it that way at all.. lol!! I do understand what you mean too and thats also why I wonder if I am over reacting.. I KNOW its a kid thing and a phase stage etc.. I really do.. but yes, its way sadder because its MY baby.. I am just the mama bear wanting to protect her cub from it all and having a hard time realizing I can't always I guess

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 5:48 PM on Apr. 21, 2010