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Should I take him back?

Long story short, my husband has recently left our family and moved out for the 4th time in 16 yrs. He has been gone less than a month and has already decided (as always) that he made a mistake. We have had many ups and downs over the yrs, some of which have been very painful and included me making some very hard choices and sacrifices. Each time he has left, his behavior has been spiteful, vengeful, and just down right wrong, i.e., stolen money from our savings, left me with past due bills, cleared out the business acct and opened a new one so I couldn't get access, etc., yet I still took him back because of my kids. I have always put them and their needs first. While I do love him, he is the father of my kids, I am pretty sure that I am not in love with him. He wants to come home, my kids want him to come home and in the past when he returns he is always on his best behavior, but it does not last and we end up here.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:14 PM on Apr. 21, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • If this is a repeated pattern it has nothing to do wth how much you love him or want you to come home. he is being manipulative and emtionally abusive. you need to seek counseling and/or leave him.
    missbreezy214

    Answer by missbreezy214 at 6:20 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • If you do decide to take him back, then sit down with him AND your kids and lay it all out.
    Tell him that his inconsistencies in your family are unacceptable and they will end now. That it is irresponsible for him to leave like he does and to leave you without any financial support of any kind.
    That it's psychologically damaging for him to flip flop. He can't just pick and choose when he wants to be part of the family. It's not fair.
    Let him and the kids know that if he leaves again, that it will be the very last time and you will not be taking him back therefor it is HIS CHOICE to leave and in no way should you be held responsible for his decisions.
    Marriage is supposed to be "for better or for worse" not "when you feel like it".
    You deserve better than that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • You really have to learn to put yourself first. The marriage is about you two not the kids. You can still be a good mother without having a husband. He is failing your miserably. You shouldn't have to put up with that behavior. You gave him multiple chances and the kids need emotional stability in their life. I believe that they'd be better off if you two were happy. If you can work it out and know that he will not do it again maybe you should work on it. But if you feel he's going to repeat his old ways again you should consider moving on so that you can have some peace in your life and maybe even future happiness with someone who will actually be faithful and respectful to you always.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 6:33 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • He's out keep him out this is not good for your kids to go through and he didnt care enough about you and the kids to take money out of the account so you wouldnt get it that say alot about him if he is out then he needs to stay out he abanded you and the kids don't let him back It will happen again you want to go though this again and again.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Love him but tell him he asked for his freedom, he can now have it, for good. Honestly, most people might say to keep him for the kids but this back and forth is terrible for them. Sounds like you can have a nice, amicable relationship with him. Why not do that, have him over for dinner frequently but don't keep him as your husband. I don't see this getting better, I see a pattern and the other things you mentioned just aren't worth putting up with. Sounds like you're ready and if you can support yourself, I'd just say enough. Whatever he's going through, it's unfair to drag the family along. He needs to get his act together and if and when he does, remarry him if you want.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:53 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • its sounds like you know what to do hon. but the right thing is rarely the easiest right?(hugs)
    let me ask this...if your daughter came to you,a nd her hubby was treating her this way? or a son was treating his wife and kids that way?
    what would you say to advise them? what would you want for them?
    Now , want that for YOU. you deserve that. at some point kids grow up and leave, have their own lives and they will one day understand why you did what ya did. There is a decent loving guy out there, waiting to be in love with you and not treat you so badly. find yourself, then find that nice guy. show your kids that you dont settle. Love doesnt hurt, in any way.good luck.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 11:17 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Its a pattern he wont ever break if this is the 4th time hes left and come back. He seems to know now that he can get away with doing this and not worry about you saying no. Not sure if I would of taken him back after the 2nd time but thats me. You need to decide whats best for you and your kids and stick with that. Good luck to you :)
    Kathy7_20

    Answer by Kathy7_20 at 11:21 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

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