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is it normal to yell at your teenager.

everyday, i have less and less patients for my son, he is a great kid, he takes normal classes, he never goes out or stays after school, he never uses the computer, but when i pick him up from school im always that the last one there, and he always has an excuse, and in the morning he wong get up unless, i pull him to the floor from bed, i just found out he has ADD and he is 17. so i have no idea how to change my attitude with him, when all ive ever done is pointed out how selfish, and lazy he is as a teenager. help

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:32 PM on Apr. 21, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • i yell because it gets the point accross and i dont have to use physical force. my daughter is only 8 but she has add and i choose not to use prescription meds for her. i avoid saying things like your selfish and lazy but i do say i make you do these things so that you will be a good person when you grow up. if you just say im only saying this because i want you to be a good person it gives them a better understanding of why you say what you say and you will feel better knowing they know why your saying it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:36 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • TONIGHT< RIGHT NOW: Write down all the things he is good at and that you love about him.
    Does he have a good sense of humor? Do you enjoy any of the same books/movies/music. Does he like to cook? Will he cook with you? Try to find things that you have in common.
    It sounds like you KNOW that yelling isn't the way to go. Start complimenting him for the good things. Tell him you love him. Hug him. And when you get used to doing this, even a little bit, sit down with him and ask HIM how HE can get HIMSELF up in the morning. I don't really get the part about you are the last one there at pick up time, if he isn't staying after school.

    good luck. I have been there. My son asked ME to go the movies and dinner last Saturday night. He's 19 now and I no longer wanna "kill him" sometimes.
    kjrn79

    Answer by kjrn79 at 6:39 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • If he died, how would you feel? Think about that and start from love. Then get professional help if you have to. I'm glad you're seeking advice, good parents do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:42 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Well if your son is doing really good in all other things, and staying out of trouble...you should def count your blessings and be grateful with that. Yelling when frustrated is just you getting angry, and we all do it. Its if thats the only thing you do that gets out of hand some times. Also you just pointed out that you are constantly telling him how lazy he he is, and that is mental abuse, sorry but it is. Why not praise him for some of the good things he does. Im sorry but every other kid now a days is said to have ADD and frankly, Im sick of it. He might just be stubborn and looking for attention. Give him some positive attention rather than negative all the time. Give him a break, and maybe he will with you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:43 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • I do yell at my 13 yr old son when he acts like an utter idiot. He can do some really stupid things and it just frustrates me when he keeps repeating the same behavior over and over again. Make it a point to spend time with just him, talking about everyday things. Make it a weekly or biweekly thing. Being a teenager is a hard time and our teens need our love, patience and attention.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:41 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • You have some pretty good responses on here. I agree, go tonight and START telling him the good he does and how much you love him. He is at an age where you should start to have his input on what would work with getting him up in the morning. My youngest has a clock that rolls around the room and you have to find it to shut it off. By the time he has caught it he is good and awake. I have a friend that has her teenage son walk the family dog first thing in the morning. She has the dog trained to be walked by her son every morning and he knows he can not ignore the dog. Sit down with him and work out a solution and try not to beat yourself up, we all get frustrated from time to time but we can reach out and ask other Moms and get some support. Be proud of yourself for asking how to better communicate with your teen. You are a GREAT Mom.

    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 9:28 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • I've had to change not only the tone but the volume of my voice. Its making my son start to listen more and behave better but there are some days where I get soooo freaking mad I will get in his face and yell. He knows he's in big trouble then and will do what ever to get me calmed down.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • I am with the other posters. It is so good you are asking for advice. But I am going out on a limb when it comes to getting in his face and he only is responding to calm you down is not sound parenting. I hope you will go to parenting classes for children with ADD. It is not easy having any child with the condition let alone a teenager. Instead of getting in his face maybe try walking away till you calm down. I would hate to hear that you have struck him out of frustration. I can tell you would feel bad if you took such measures. I am honestly not trying to make you feel bad but I hope you understand that it is not a good idea to get in any one's face when we are frustrated. Remember you stated that he is basically a good kid, try very hard to remember that when you are in his face, maybe it will help snap you out of it. Don't be too hard on yourself but keep yourself in check as well. GL

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:43 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • I really don't tend to yell, at my daughter she is 14 years old. but I do teand to be a bit firmmer with her if I see shes acting really dumb. thats enough for her to know I mean , what I say. but with dad ,he's sooo lucky all he has to do is just ask her to do something once and she's there.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 8:55 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • But what I do is when I talk to her I explain to her why I want her to do something or not do something I just don't give her a yes or no answer, or say do this. and leave it at that. I explain everything to her in a conversation type of way. so it really doesn't sound like nagging. And she does seem to understand.. but for most part shde;s pretty good about things. but don't get me wrong there are times when she roles her eyes. on me. aND SAYS OMG. but gets done what was told for her to do.
    incarnita

    Answer by incarnita at 9:03 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

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