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how can i get over my sexual embarrassment ?

My hubby & I have been together for almost 7 years, 2 very young kids, married for almost 4 yrs. I was raised in a home where I was taught that masturbation was dirty and sex outside of marriage was unforgivable. I'm 27 now and really want to start exploring more than just the same old sex but I'm embarrassed to. My husband knows my issues and is incredibly patient with me but I feel like maybe sometimes it's just not enough for him. I love doing oral on him and vice versa so at least there's that I guess. But I've never really developed any kind of fantasy or done anything outside of the "conventional" (anal, oral, vag) type sex. I have trouble verbalizing in the bedroom, too. He sometimes asks how I want him to do it and I just shut down. Can anyone help me??


Asked by Anonymous at 9:36 PM on Apr. 21, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • I also think we put pressure on ourselves to be the sexed up porn stars they like on a movie - you don't have to o that - in my bed anal doesn't happen - but to you that is okay - see we all have our own desires, wants, ideas etc. Just because Kitty LaRue swings from the chandelier doesn't mean you have to, or that you are a prude if you don't.. it's just not your thing. Your DH married you, knowing your shyness, and worries. He liked that side of you enough to ask you to spend your life with him. If you want to expand that's great, but don't put unreal pressure on yourself. Instead of feeling like you have to tell him what you want, maybe start by telling him what feels good when he's doing it, or when you are in a good position tell him it is perfect. You don't have to scream like a banshee.

    Answer by myheartx4 at 10:34 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • try things slow. do one thing different every other time you guys have sex..

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • i kinda shut down like that too..but what helps me is having this alter ego type person in the bedroom when asked weird stuff or if we are just talking.. I turn on my british accent (not role play) but for example if my dh is like "do you want to do it doggy style"..i'll say.."yah baby" just being silly.

    Answer by shay1130 at 9:41 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • I know EXACTLY how you feel. Im 27, have 2 kids and I am the same way! I have yet to get over it...alcohol helps lol but im still working on it. I know it starts with me feeling good about myself

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:46 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • start looking at porn, start reading exotica stories (sex stories). my biggest feat was actually going to a sex store! lol scary! but it was fun. you dont even have to really start off by talking of fantasies-- i dont think i could tell my BF, or future DH my truest fantasy... but talk about sex itself- how did it feel? good, bad? what made it good, what positions, etc. TALK about what you did- eventually that will come easy, and then if/when you start exploring other venues (porn, stories, etc), you can talk about that as well. then random fantasies that you've read or seen and talk about that-- like one of the crazy stories i read, the girl had sex with some dogs. (lol dont ask)- but i asked my BF what he thought about females who do that in real life/on porn, it was a conversation opener.


    Answer by Shy_Dia at 9:47 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • another thing- some females just arent verbal, so they start with physical responses. when i'm about to have an orgasm, i grab my BF's arms really hard and he knows it without even looking at me. you can talk about your physical responses when something feels good- you'll put your hand on his neck, or his leg or something.

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 9:48 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • Okay lets try this, try to make sure you are happy with your self, talk about things with him without having sex like ask him about his fantisys that type of thing. Forget about how you were raised, (I know easier said then done but I did it :D) look online for facts about sexual things. Things that people say are taboo like Dominartix, subs, rough sex just anything nothing is taboo anymore, everything is normal now... That sounds really weird to say. Like me I am not a shy person when it comes to talking about sex at all. I used to be very very shy about it, like a turtle that hides in it's shell but I came out of my shell and wow am so glad I did :D. If you would like you can add me as a friend and I can give you some more indepth help.

    Answer by Younganproud at 9:57 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • So I take it you're not satisfied with it the way it is? I grew up believing the same things, but I don't feel like it has limited me. I have no desire to go kinky (sorry if that's the wrong word, I really don't mean to be offensive). I guess what I'm saying is just because some people do different things doesn't mean everyone HAS TO. If you WANT to, then go for it, but it doesn't mean you're somehow wrong if you don't....

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:00 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • When I focus on sex I see it as a playground. I go back to acting like a virginal teen. I tease. I play. I laugh and have fun. Now that SO has ED this is important. Now we have to find other things to do that are unconventional. Some things I'm not that keen on but because it seems taboo it makes it that much more exciting to try. I guess what I'm saying is that growing up sometimes makes us refrain from taking chances and trying new things, it keeps us from relaxing and just having fun. That's why I allow my inner child to come out. That way I don't feel dirty or bad about doing things I know that as an adult I would frown on it and not even try. Pretend mom and dad are gone and you two want to get freaky. How would you have done it if you were teens and not allowed to do it but were rebellious and determined to do it anyway? Just play act and have fun.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:42 PM on Apr. 21, 2010

  • great responses here ladies!
    I was going to suggest talking abouut what you want/fear/need/etc..outside of the bedroom. sounds silly I know but it is easier sometimes to discuss stuff like that outside of the hot and heavy moment. it sounds like you are wanting to try and so is he, so with a lil patience ya'll will be just fine. remind yourself, sex is not dirty or sinful. God made us the way he did.

    Answer by Bearsjen at 10:43 PM on Apr. 21, 2010