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how can I have a relationship, with HPV?

I found out, that I had genital warts when I became pregnant. I am fully aware, that I will always be contagious, and carry this disease. I got it from my ex-fiance, who I left because he was abusive. I feel now, like he has spoiled my chance of ever having a relationship again. I do not sleep with people I am not in a long term relationship with...and my question is...when I get to this do I tell the man I am with about having genital warts, without scaring him off completely? I caught it myself while my partner showed no signs or symptoms. Condoms don't guarantee not spreading HPV, because not all areas are covered. How can I go on to date and meet men, having this horrible secret that needs to be shared with them at such a crucial point in time?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:19 AM on Apr. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • This may not be up your alley but there are dating sites that are STD specific.

    Other than that, you just have to make sure that any man you date and want to be intimate with is worth the risk (of being rejected perhaps) If you're in a committed relationship and he loves you, there are ways to work around it and live with it.

    As far as telling the man, just be honest and frank. Tell him how you got it, when you found out and the steps you take to prevent outbreaks. You might need to give him space to process the information.

    Answer by Gealach at 3:39 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • HPV is not the same thing as herpes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • Just have to be honest from the get go. Make good friends with them before anything. FYI - my Gyno told me that %60 of people over the age of 25 carry the HPV virus. It's not detectable until a lil wart shows up. You cannot find it on a regular papsmear. You have VERY high chances of meeting someone who already carries the virus. Scary, but true.

    LOTS of people carry the virus & NEVER show any symptoms. I also learned that you can carry it for over 10 years before you ever see anything down there & some people never even know they have it because they never show any physical symptoms. I have a friend who JUST found a lil wart on her anus (it is a myth that anal warts come from anal sex)...she has been married for 12 years. She thought he cheated & they had to go to counseling. She is finally convinced that it was just dorment in her system for so long, but it was scary for her.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:06 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • ANON :40, HPV can cause genital warts.

    OP: You just have to be honest. If you look at the rates of HPV, you'll see that it is VERY common. I think it's like 80% of women get it before 30 years old. I assume the case would hold true for men as well considering it is sexually transmitted. The only difference is that there is no way to test for it in guys, and generally they show no symptoms.

    I got it from my ex-fiance as well. I felt dirty and disgusting, and then I did my research. When I learned exactly how common it is, I didn't feel that way anymore. I don't have genital warts (they presented on my cervix), but when I got into a new relationship, I was open and honest about it. Now, he's my husband, and we never even think about it (unless I get an abnormal pap). Like you, I don't have sex with someone unless i'm committed, so it put a damper on my self esteem for a while. You'l be fine. GL.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • Samurai: If you're under 25, *most* GYN's will do reflex testing on your pap to HPV. It's pretty common practice...where i'm from anyway. Before HPV was as publicized as it is now, the doc I worked for was already doing it (the reflex testing). I actually found out I had it because I had a uterine polyp that needed to be removed. The doc saw the"outbreak" on my cervix. I had zero genital warts (never have had them), and there are lots of women who have it that also never get genital warts. It just depends on the type of strain you have.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:16 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

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