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Got a good joke

any joke is accepted except race oriented because they're are alot of sensitive people on here. i need to laugh my kids are destroying my house i got to go to work in a moment i would love to be in a good mood when i go in


Asked by symle456 at 11:27 AM on Apr. 22, 2010 in Just for Fun

Level 11 (541 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (25)

  • Typical macho man married a typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules: "I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

    His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

    Answer by renea20 at 12:40 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • what do you call a Mexican with a rubber toe?


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:33 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • Knock Knock!
    Who's there?
    Ira who?
    Ira-lly like knock knock jokes!

    Answer by MykidsJASAS at 11:35 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • One day I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart.'

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • With time, women gain weight because we accumulate so much information and
    > wisdom in our heads that when there
    > is no more room, it distributes out
    > to the rest of our bodies. So we aren't
    > heavy, we are enormously cultured,
    > educated and happy.
    > Beginning today, when I look at my butt
    > in the mirror I will think, *
    > *“Good grief, look how smart I am!”

    Answer by ELIZABETHSMO902 at 11:37 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a woman I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning?' It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste,' the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

    2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

    3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

    4. A dyslexic man walked into a bra.

    5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer, please, and one for the road."

    Answer by ELIZABETHSMO902 at 11:39 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • 6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

    7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'." "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
    "Is it common?"
    "Well, It's Not Unusual."

    8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
    "I don't believe you," says Dolly.
    "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

    9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

    10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

    Answer by ELIZABETHSMO902 at 11:40 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • 11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

    12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
    The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

    13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

    14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

    15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

    Answer by ELIZABETHSMO902 at 11:41 AM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • 16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
    Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

    17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
    an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off.
    "Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."


    Answer by ELIZABETHSMO902 at 11:43 AM on Apr. 22, 2010