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how do you deal with a partner whose energy, ideals and parenting are completely opposite to yours????

me: zen, liberal, tons of childcare experience, buddhist, active, fit, sober, motivated...
husband: stressed out, teetering between liberal and conservative extremes, spanking, yelling, drinking (a lot), tv watcher (hours on end)...

our relationship is hard enough, but how are we supposed to raise our kids together?!?!?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on Apr. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • Maybe you should have thought about that before you had kids. just sayin...

    Answer by Amanda7891 at 2:25 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • I would have to agree - how did you to get together if you are really that opposite? But I have a similar partnership so I can understand how you can start on the same page and end up in two different books, which I would assume is what happened here...

    The two of you need to sit down and decide how things are going to work. Some of the issues aren't going to be fixable. But things like how to discipline the kids is something you can both put in your 2 cents on and then work out an even ground. My Dh and I really don't have to much contact at this point. I work from home & he's home part time, so when he's here he cares for the kids. He does most of the laundry and takes out the trash and even does most of the dishes, so when he sits in front of the game for hours I don't really care as long as he watches the kids too. And on weekends he does take them out. It's little compromises you have to work for ...

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 2:29 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • just take it one issue at a time. try to support his discipline in front of the kids...if you have a problem with it, talk to him when the kids are asleep. the kids will rule you and him and the house if they see you are divided! if you think the kids are in danger, then you may want to leave, but keep in mind he will always be their father, and if his parenting styles are harsh, then it is probably good to have your softer style to balance things out.
    good luck to you and your family. sounds tough!

    Answer by happy2bmom25 at 2:49 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • How on earth did you even give him the time of day if he was that different from you.

    My husband and I are opposite in a few things but he knows better than to drink, watch tv for hours and spank the kids.

    Answer by Acid at 3:02 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • either you work together or possibly you break up. My SO and me are so different so I had similiar issue but our difference are not the same as yours.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:06 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • OP here:
    how'd we get together? he was MUCH different when we first met. not quite zen or anything, but certainly not stressed and angry
    how'd we have kids? ever heard of people trying to work together after an "accident" rather than abort?

    the classic fault here is that i thought a grown man with responsibilities would drink less... obviously lesson learned.
    but the question was how do you work WITH it... not why did it happen (cuz believe me i've been asking myself the same question)

    i'm already at the end of my rope, but i'm trying to figure out a way to deal peacefully rather than split, which may end up being the best solution

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • If you cant work it out then its easier on the kids if you split up reather than to see you both fighting all the time.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:41 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • gosh you people read what you want to read. nobody said anything about fighting in front of the kids

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:34 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

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