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What would be a suitable wedding gift for my SIL and her husband?

I am a little confused here, so bear with me! My DH and I had discussed a wedding gift of $200 before the wedding for his younger sister. DH is in Iraq and won't be able to attend for one thing. We also felt bad because their Dad isn't able to help with money and their Mom won't. So SIL and her fiance are paying for the entire thing save a few things his family will pay for. I asked SIL and her fiance how they would feel about money to help get them married, instead of some thing after ward. They were both in agreement that it'd be more helpful that way. SIL has mentioned several times how much every thing is costing and how they can't get this or that until they get more money. I started looking at the links she sent me of the candles etc, and these things can be found much cheaper. Still, I kept my mouth shut because she hasn't asked for my help in budgeting. I knew that they were doing some sort of engagement announcement

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Apr. 22, 2010 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • you cant really go wrong with gift cards. when i got married i got alot of gift cards to grocery stores... everyone needs groceries! that way she wont be able to spend the money on bogus stuff. or tell her that you really dont know what to do get them so you want to help pay X amouth of money toward her dress, or place settings, or whatever else she may NEED.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • but I was under the assumption that it was just a normal, in the newspaper type thing. Free, or pretty cheap. I saw the announcement and she told me it cost them $300. THREE HUNDRED dollars for a page in a social magazine! If they are having so much of a struggle with money why on earth would they do that? That money could have gone to her dress that she still doesn't have. I haven't told DH about it yet, but I don't feel like we should give them $200. I thought it would help them out, but not if they are going to spend it on unnecessary things. What to do now?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:45 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • Did you give her the amount you were planning to give her? If you did, you may have to tell her that giving her that much money really isnt in your budget, but you wanted to help out, but now since she has the money to do some of the more outgoing stuff, you don't feel she really needs the help that much. If you didnt give her an amount, then just giver her what you would have otherwise spent on a present. But I would talk to your husband about it first, it being his sister he has some say in it also. But I agree, I would have a hard time "helping" someone who blew their money like that too. Then again it is her wedding, and some women like to go all out, so you really cant say to much to them is they are paying for it all themselves.
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 2:51 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • I would offer to pay for flowers. That is something that will be bought closer to the wedding and your money won't go to something frivilous. I would not write a check.
    CaseyErin

    Answer by CaseyErin at 2:53 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • I would give them the money as planned and I would allow them to make their own mistakes. Give the money in the same spirit you would have given a blender or pots and pans; it is a gift to be used/enjoyed as the recipient sees fit. Things you see as silly or extravagant may be very important to them, and if not they will learn from their mistakes. I don't see any reason to stir up any drama over this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:54 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • No, we haven't given her the money yet. I told them that DH and I would discuss it, look at our budget, etc. I just have a hard time feeling sorry for them and wanting to help when they've spent $300 on an ad in a magazine! The place they want to get married at has a deposit that must be paid, and that $300 could have gone to that. NO, it's not my wedding, and I'm not going to stipulate what they can/can't spend the money on. I would feel pretty stupid if we gave them the money and she spent it on one inconsequential thing and still didn't have a dress or a tux or some thing big like that.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • I wouldn't have given them the regular pots and blenders thing...they've lived together for 5 years now, so their registry is pretty small.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • I look at it this way....you are giving what you feel is right and they are doing what they feel is important....I wouldn't give a gift with strings attached!
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 5:48 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • As I said, I wouldn't give a gift with strings attached. I don't think of it that way. I think of it as she is blowing money and whining to every one about being broke! Thanks for the answers!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:18 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

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