Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

If you have been cheated on & stayed....

can you still have relations w/you significant other w/o feeling awkward or dirty becuase of what he did? Do you every wonder if he is up to no good?Do you ever feel inadequate?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:58 PM on Apr. 22, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I think I would, which is why I don't know if I could stay.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:00 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • It's gonna take a long time to get that trust back but i think i would always be like hmm what's he doing? Whose he with? etc etc. but to be completely honest with you if really really truly deeply loved this person and knew that he was THE ONE i would deff stay and try to work it out but if he did it again. see ya later pal
    shanda0914

    Answer by shanda0914 at 4:02 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • My husband cheated on me with his ex fiance shortly after we started dating 6 years ago. I didn't find out until we had been together for 3 years and married for 1 with a newborn son. I'll admit it was really hard to get past and there are times I still get angry with him, like when I bumped into the ex fiance at Best Buy,partly because she is insane and has also admitted she tried stealing pictures of our son so she could tell people he belonged to her and my husband.

    I don't ever feel awkward or inadequate, but I think my situation wasn't as bad as if he had cheated during our marriage. I say this because I know he has been faithful ever since and we actually split up for a couple months after he cheated for different reasons. I know when we got back together he had "turned over a new leaf" and we have now been married for 4 years. Although I will admit I was very angry for a long time and he knows that was his one chance.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:05 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • You are never the same again and the trust is gone. Always suspecious..no way to live but its how it is when this happens
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:05 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • I felt that way for a while even though I didn't find out he cheated until a long time after the fact. We did a lot of counseling. I still don't fully trust him. He is not allowed to go anywhere without me and he has no control of the money.  Even his work hours are tracked.  If he stays late it better be on his paycheck.   It took many years for us to get back to normal, but I think everything is OK now. He had a one night stand and it was with someone I knew. I don't think I could have stayed if I found out it was an affair that was ongoing.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • my husband says he feels like that all the time. im the one who cheated.
    upallnitescrapn

    Answer by upallnitescrapn at 5:52 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • I felt that way for a long time, but I chose to let it go finally. My husband cheated, I didnt find out for a long time. I was so hurt and broken up about it. I held it against him for a long time. But I finally realized that he made a mistake, and I could live with it. I have built my self confidence up again, let go of the hurt he caused me, It took me three years to get to the point where I can think about it and not hate him for it, but I have gotten there. He is a good man, and he made a mistake, it does get better if you let it. I used it as control over my husband for a long time, and that only hurt us, but once I let it go I felt better and our marriage got better. I wondered if he was up to no good for a long time, but if you chose to stay together you cant keep wondering about it, and you cant hold it over there head. I really do trust him now. It wasnt easy, but was worth staying with him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:39 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • that's the thing with being cheated on...it takes YEARS to heal...and even longer to forgive...if forgiveness ever really occurs.
    I myself don't know how I would handle being cheated on...I tell myself in my head "for sure, I'd leave his ass"....but I guess in all honesty, I don't know.
    and this is kinda my thoughts: sure, he broke his vows to me of "being faithful"...but does that make it okay for me to break my vows of "always being forgiving"? and sure, I could walk away with my pride...BUT, is my pride worth my marriage? and if my pride is my concern...how would I be putting my marriage first...like I vowed to?
    maybe I read too much into it...and I pray my marriage never has to go through cheating....

    but good luck to you momma. maybe seek counseling?
    I really hope you get through your rough time.
    carliemarie1015

    Answer by carliemarie1015 at 10:06 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • You have to decide if you are really in this for the long haul. It takes time and real forgivenss, but it is possible. The hardest part is overcoming the mental hurdles you throw at yourself with doubts and worries. But, the answer to your questions is yes, with work, patience and forgivness as long as you two really love each other you can overcome anything.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 2:16 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
How should I feel about this?

Next question overall (Money & Work)
Insurance

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN