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Am I being selfish for wanting my step daughter home through the week?

I have just married the Man of my dreams but all of our fights seem to be around his Grandparents. In the past they have had to take our stepdaughter through the week cause he worked. But recently I have stopped them from taking her and have met such resistance against my husband, that its to the point were screaming at each other.. They dont need to help us out anymore and actually I see me and my stepdaughters relationship building more. My husband says I am being selfish for not letting them have her. But I have opened my home to them to visit us here. I am just frustrated and wondering if I am overreacting?

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Asked by ButterflysForU at 11:05 PM on Apr. 22, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • You don't sound selfish to me. What is the grandparents position, perhaps if they told your husband it's okay to have her home. He might night argue so much.

    Answer by my2kids312 at 11:09 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • Go easy sista, it takes time to change peoples routines. They feel like your taking their grand daughter away from them. They don't see it as establishing your family.
    This is new, and you are the new person. Try to keep the peace. Make nice, and go gently on to this new ground.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 11:12 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • i think you are being alittle selfish. maybe she can still go over 3 days a week and you take her the other two? you cant just go around changing everybodys life like that out of nowhere. thats there grand daughter, and theyre not going to be around forever.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:37 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • i don't think you're being selfish, i just think you should take turns ; ) it's great that you love your new daughter, but they had her first! everyone can learn to play nicely, if eveyone is willing to share.

    Answer by bestmommyeber at 11:43 PM on Apr. 22, 2010

  • They feel they own her and aren't willing to give up control. As long as you and your husband stand firm, there's not a lot they can do about it as long as she continues to thrive in your care.

    Answer by Avarah at 12:17 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • You being the "new" person, they are understandably defense about you throwing their routine with her off and keeping her to yourself. (blood is thicker than water mentality & that is usually true) Yes, I understand that you want to take over the mommy role in all its glory, but you can't make it such a huge and abrupt change (you are wanting to change the family dynamics that are already in place) You can’t do that and not expect to cause a huge problem. No matter how much you love her… no matter how much you love your DH, there is always the chance that you will walk away from this marriage and then the family will have to pick up the shattered pieces you leave behind (not saying that you WILL do that, just saying that as “the new person” it is possible) To make a long lasting and meaningful connection to your SD, you will have to learn how to ease into the situation you want. It isn’t going to happen overnight.

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 10:39 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • oh and if they are her great grand parents, chances are they are getting up there in age, and have a limited amount of time left to leave their grandchild with memories that will stay with that child for the rest of her life....


    Answer by VeronicaLee at 10:44 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

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