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Don't really know what to do

My FIL just passed away a few days ago. We don't live close to home, so DH flew back home for the funeral. He is also going straight from there to a TDY he's on for 3 weeks. He left the day we found out his dad had died. We didn't really get a chance to talk about how he felt or anything, just called all the family who didn't know, and started packing for him to go home. I know he's upset, but he won't talk to anybody, because his whole family depends on him to be the strong one, and he just keeps saying he doesn't want to talk about it at all, ever, and he will deal with it in his own way. I feel completely helpless, useless in the situation. He calls to talk a few times a day, but he's wanting to talk about anything and everything but his dad. He even seems to be in a happier mood sometimes, laughing and joking with his siblings when he calls me too. My question is, what can I do to help him WITHOUT talking to him? Anything?


Asked by Anonymous at 1:12 AM on Apr. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • It might just be that it hasn't set in for him yet. Give him some time to adjust, sometimes people deal with things in different ways that we do. When he gets home and you can sit down face to face talk to him about how you feel now that his dad is gone. It might open up the door for him to talk about it. That way he is going off of what you say and not him starting it.

    Answer by Jessie1689 at 1:19 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • exactly what he's asking you to do. let some time go by. ask him every couple days if he wants to talk. if he says "no" leave it alone, and remind him ONCE IN A WHILE that you're there for him if he needs to talk. after a few months, bring up his father in subtle ways, and leave it to him to take the conversation further. people deal with grief in different ways. just roll with it. i know - easier said than done. we all want to help our loved ones deal with whatever is causing them to hurt, but when he says "there's nothing you can do" he means it.


    Answer by bestmommyeber at 1:19 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • Just let him be. When my mother in law died I just stood silenty by my husband. He had one really good cry at the funeral and that was it. He knew I was there to talk to if he needed it.

    Answer by FL2AK at 2:17 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • I was in the same situation. all you can do is be there for him when he is ready to talk or cry. just let him be and when he is ready to talk about it then be there for him.

    Answer by ilybaby8609 at 3:28 AM on Apr. 23, 2010