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I had a fight with DH last night, I'm feeling crappy about it. Anyone want to be nice and give advice?

So I guess the thing that I've been pretty depressed for like, a really long time. I am pretty sure that I've just always been depressed. I used to try to get help when I was a teenager, I told my parents I needed to see a therapist and everything... but I don't think that they could deal with something being wrong with me because my brother was such a handful and a screw up, they just needed me to be "ok" so they refused to believe that I needed help.

Last night, I don't know why or how it came up, I can't even remember, but for some reason I confessed to my husband that I'm depressed and I have been for as long as I can remember. It was bad timing, it was late at night and he was exhausted. I don't know why I brought it up. He got really angry with me, and told me that I need to fix it. I love him, and I love my son, I'm just not sure I love myself. He seemed to be really mad about it. Any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:07 AM on Apr. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Today you need to call and get the ball started to getting help. Find a therapist. He was probably tired and also men want to fix things whenyou told him your problemshe felt overwhelmed and he may have thought you were depressed because of him and took it as he isnt making you happy.
    okmommy08

    Answer by okmommy08 at 7:13 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • I agree with the previous poster. MOST men are not good with dealing with the EMOTIONAL problems women face....they're great "fix it" types, but depression is not an easy "fix." A good therapist will help you process your feelings, and help you formulate a treatment plan.

    I think the biggest thing to remember when you argue about ANYTHING...is never to use the phrases "You always, or you never..." That's a sure fire way to get the original disagreement off track. Secondly, don't start using your depression as the REASON why you can't do anything--like cook, clean, take care of your child, take care of your husband, etc. That will only cause more of a rift. Keep your therapy and your homelife distinctly separate, until you have mastered some control over the depression. A lot of men do not like (rather, don't know how to deal with) chronic emotional problems...I think they see it as being whiny or lazy--not as a symptom.
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 7:26 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • Sometimes we, as mothers, put everyone and everything before us and don't do what we should for ourselves. I am incredibly guilty of that. Your hubby probably feels threatened and like he's failed you somehow. "How can you not be happy with the life we have?" sort of thing. Depression has nothing to do with not being happy with your life. Find a good therapist and speak to your doctor about medication. It may take a while, but it should help. It's hard to be a good wife and mother when you feel like this. When your hubby sees that you're feeling better, he'll understand. Sometimes just putting something in motion helps.
    Eris822

    Answer by Eris822 at 7:34 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • Men can be cruel about things like this. Go see your regular doctor just to get the ball rolling. Tell him or her exactly what's going on and take it from there. You might want to find someone else to be your rock right now because a lot of men just don't get it. To this day (it has been 3 years of this) if I'm in a bad mood my dh will say, "Did you take your pill?"....ugggg....... Obviously depression is WAYYYY more than taking a pill, but he'll never get it.

    -xoxo-

    Answer by -xoxo- at 7:36 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • His getting angry sure didn't help much, but then again men can be so insensitive, I would take the advice of the other ladies and start the ball rolling on fixing your depression, seek help help yourself without waiting for anyone else to push you to do it. Think of your kids, a depressed mom does not make a good one, get help now.
    older

    Answer by older at 7:41 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • I have yet to hear a man admit to being depressed, even though so many are afflicted with it. You've done the hardest part, admitting it and being willing to change it's power over you. I would tell your huby that you want to make those changes and ask for him to stand behind you in your efforts. There are a lot of free resources out there, although it make take some searching. You did'nt mention any specific reasons that you think led to the depression, so I won't presume. In talking to a therapist, the biggest reward is getting it all out which leaves you with taking the second step..forgiveness and making the decision to no longer let those things have power over you. I, personally would stop short of meds if at all possible, since most make you into a zombie like person. I don't know where you stand with what I am going to say next, but take it or leave it and I'd be remiss ...to be continued
    GMMOLLY

    Answer by GMMOLLY at 7:48 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • i know how you feel. i have been depressed my whole life and in and out of treatment. i was having a good time when i ment my husband. i never told him how bad i can get. our son was born four yrs again and for the first time in years i started struggling again. i hid it from my husband for three years until i couldnt control it anymore and i ended up in the hospital last year. it was so hard for my husband, he had no idea. after i got out of the hospital there was tension between us for about a month. then we started talking about it. i never thought he understood it til i heard him talking to his brother who wanted me to watch his two kids. my husband was concerned that taking care for four kids. he was worried that the stress of four kids would be on my depression full force again and he said he couldnt see me going down hill again, that it broke his heart because he knew he couldnt fix it. so image how surprised
    jamiethornton26

    Answer by jamiethornton26 at 7:48 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • i was when i heard that. i take meds every day and see someone once a week. i suggest you do the same, please dont go dpwn the same route i did. they get mad because they dont understand it, husbands want to fix it but they cant and they get mad. the anger isnt really towards you although i know it feels like it. its directed to the depression and cuz of their fear that they cant help us. please call your doctor today and start getting help
    jamiethornton26

    Answer by jamiethornton26 at 7:51 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • send me a friend request if you want to talk anymore about it. i have been where you are now
    jamiethornton26

    Answer by jamiethornton26 at 7:52 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • I'd be remiss if I did not mention what I believe to be a necessary step as well. Prayer. God created us and can heal if we appeal out of faith. May you find the inner peace you are seeking.
    GMMOLLY

    Answer by GMMOLLY at 7:53 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

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