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How do you deal with it when your husband gives you the silent treatment?

I guess I should feel blessed..he doesn't yell..he gets SILENT. We got into a REALLY STUPID arguement last night.I try to talk to him about it to figure out exactly why he was so mad because I really just didn't know. I told him how can I ever fix what I apparently "did wrong" if he doesnt' tell me what the hell I did or didn't do?!? He wouldn't even look at me, he just walked around me and wouldn't say a word.So I got pissed.Went to bed, threw his pillows downstairs,told him to sleep on the couch then, I wasn't going to sleep next to someone that can't even speak to me.Of course, he comes back upstairs.I'm crying, he just lays down and goes to sleep.After he left for work, I txtd him and said I was still mad but I wanted to say sorry for some of the things I said.He still hasnt txtd or called back. The longer he is silent to me, the more upset I get.SILENT TREATMENT IS WORSE THAN YELLING!How do YOU deal with it?!?!? Help. :(


Asked by Anonymous at 9:54 AM on Apr. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (19)
  • Bless your heart. It's not easy. It's taken me years to get used to that. I don't know how they can do it but they do. SO is military. I thought it was some military thing but now I know it's a SO thing. I do end up apologizing to keep peace but half the time don't know what I am apologizing for! Like you I tell him how can I know not to do it again if you don't tell me. He just gives me the "Figure it out" look. So that's what I do. I think it's unfair but I've accepted it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:59 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • My husband is a pro at this, yet I make him talk. He created a no talk list that he puts you on according to the severity of what he thinks you have done. So I asked him and he said to tell you to just act like it doesn't matter to you and then it will get next to him.
    Good luck.

    Answer by my2kids312 at 10:00 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • husband is ex military also....I never put that together.

    Answer by my2kids312 at 10:02 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • Mine is a pro at it to. How do they do it? I can't, lol. Once I tried to beat him at his game and we didn't speak to eachother for 2 whole days and I finally cracked. I told him I was sorry and I still to this day have no idea for what. I would rather him get mad and yell a bit and tell me why he is mad then get silent. It is the worst. SIGH. Men. Can't live with em ...and I'm endig that saying right there,lol.~OP

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • Mine does the exact same thing, he has literally gone 2 days on it before and it drove me INSANE. I was dying for some kind of adult conversation. Over the past 7 years I have learned to TRY and get him to talk, but do not be too pushy with it. If you have said what you need to say and he STILL does not budge then just back off. My husband is the type of person that ponders on things silently in his own head, THEN he is ready to talk. Its not easy at all trust me I know.

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 10:16 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • Men seem to be terrible when it comes to dealing with emotions. I do think they need an extra allotment of time to think things through, but the silence is a form of punishment. It could be that he just does not want to say anything he would regret, but you both need to work on some common ground where you come together and all is set aside. Anything left on the shelf to fester will oneday become a deal breaker. If you want things to change, seek help on your own first. Don't discuss it with family...that could be fatal for you. Although it takes two to tango, I'm not implying that you are at fault, just that some help with learning how to approach his type of personality could make the difference. For him, it may be all about things with him he feels powerless to fix. How much I'd like to know what goes on in the mind of a man, and how much it would scare the heck out of me to really find out. Ugggggh! Good Luck

    Answer by GMMOLLY at 10:19 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • I can see it as some sort of manipulation, at least in my case. SO was determined he was going to rule the roost. As long as he did it respectfully I was ok with that but this silent stuff drove me nuts for a long time. Then when he said the "Figure it out" thing I realized I could drive myself nuts or not but the bottom line was he was not going to give in/compromise with me on this so I decided to pick my battles. So far I've been able to figure things out after a while or it wasn't worth taking the time to worry about it. When I feel the silent treatment starting I just quickly apologize but keep it simple and apologize for upsetting him or pissing off. That way he's happy bc he hears the I'm Sorry he wants to hear and I'm only apologizing for upsetting him not for whatever it was that actually upset him! lol It's nuts but it seems to be working

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:20 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • he's doing it to punish you, as though you were a child. its his version of putting you in timeout.
    I don't think i could put up with being treated that way. I would probably tell him that if he didn't want to talk to me, I would go find someone that will. then i would

    Answer by Christina2135 at 10:20 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • The more he knows it is getting to you, the more it's going to encourage him to continue to do it because obviously he is looking for a reaction and is trying to make a "statement" with his silence. I would beat him at his own game. Show him you are smarter than him. Act like it doesn't bother you (even if it KILLS you!) LOL. Go on with your life and see how fast he comes around when you pay attention to everything else but him!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 AM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • My bf is a yeller.... but when he does do the silent treatment I just tell him to grow up and grow a pair lol Your a grown man so act like one lol grrr men...

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 10:45 AM on Apr. 23, 2010