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another baby before or after our son starts school?

we keep going back and forth about having another or not...i think we are leaning on having just one more... our son is 16 months old and we dont know if we would rather have another before he starts school so he has time to adjust or after he starts so that it is a little easier to care for the baby while he is at school... our pros are that he would have a sibling and it may be more fun for the family but we fear that we would not beable to divide the time equally... have you had this situation... what do you think?

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Asked by jaksonsmommy at 2:04 PM on Apr. 23, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 16 (2,610 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • school as in 5 yrs old?

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • yes as in 5

    Answer by jaksonsmommy at 2:12 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • When do you plan on having him start school? Seems you have plenty of time to think about this one. If you are questioning it I think youshould wait. Maybe you will want another next year. I didn't have the urge to have another baby right away after my first. We finally decided when he was 5 that if we wanted another child we should do it soon. I enjoyed having time with my son and am glad we waited. My sons are almost 7 yrs apart. I also had another one just less than 2 yrs after my second and I prefer the waiting to cramming all my kids into a few years.

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 2:15 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • Ours are only 15 months apart so I don't think our older child remembers life without a sibling. I personally can't imagine having them like 4 or 5 years apart, both from a parental standpoint (life with a school-aged child is NOTHING like life with an infant, I can't imagine putting the baby/toddler stage completely behind me only to start it all over again), but also from the standpoint of the kiddos. They're such sweet friends and playmates.

    Answer by EmilySusan at 2:16 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • Mine are 22 months apart (by choice), so you know which way I went, lol. And now that it's done, I definitely wouldn't want to wait. My feelings are that I don't want to basically start over with another baby when my older one is already fairly independent, you know? Now, my oldest has to be held back a little bit to keep pace with his sister, but right now they both take naps, the routine is about the same for both of them, and we only have to wait an extra 2 years to be able to do things as a family. Waiting until the older one is in school would be helpful in that the oldest could help out a lot more with taking care of the baby, but then you can't do anything big as a family for a while because you have to be mindful of the baby's eating and especially sleeping routines.

    But that's just my feelings. Good luck with your decision!

    Answer by DragonRiderMD at 2:19 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • If you wait until he is 5 it will be a lot like having two only children. My first 2 are 17 months apart and it is awesome to see them become such god friends. I would not want to wait and have them 5 years apart. You don't divide your time equally when you have more than one, you have a family and you make it work.

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 5:27 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • My oldest was in kindergarten when our 4th child was born. It SUCKED. Not only was I exhausted from getting up all night with a baby but then I had to make sure she got to school and homework while the baby wailed because she wanted to be changed or fed or held and going places was a pain.
    Of course I had 2 other kids, too. My oldest was 15 months when #2 was born and that was pretty easy compared to what happened after #4 was born. The kids were way more demanding at 3, 4 and 5 then they were as toddlers (and they napped as toddlers). Right now #1 is almost 10 and #4 just turned 4. They fight constantly (they share a room for various reasons) and the 4yo has picked up all the 9yo's bad habits and attitude. They have nothing in common because of the age gap which is a pain. The 9yo and my 7yo dd have much more in common even if they don't get along all the time. The 9yo mostly ignores the 4yo.

    Answer by justanotherjen at 2:25 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

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