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RUBBING SALT IN THE WOUND?

ok heres the full story my sil and i were pregnant together last year. my neice was stillborn last june. its been hard to celebrate my son because we dont want to remind her of her loss, and that my ds is still here. my husband and i are both active duty military and we can only take leave together fron jun 15-30 to go home. we want to throw an early birhtday party for our son at home but it would be close to the same time that our nieced passed last year. we doent have any family and few friends where we live so we want to do it at home. would it be rude or just plain mean to have a birthday party for him then? and how would you go about doing it as delicatly as possible as to not hurt my sils feelings????

Answer Question
 
KJ_on

Asked by KJ_on at 4:30 PM on Apr. 23, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 4 (37 Credits)
Answers (4)
  • Maybe you could call and talk to her about this ahead of time?! I am sure she'd be understanding of your thoughts
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 4:33 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • Your SIL will always remember and something will most likely remind her of the baby she lost no matter what time of the year it is. I am sorry for her loss but you can not stop doing things for your child because hers passed away. I don't think it is wrong to give him a party during that time. You can call you SIL and just let her know what is going on like you normally would.
    midnightmoma

    Answer by midnightmoma at 4:36 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • I think you should have a sit down with her and explain. it will be much easier for everyone - I'm sure that along with your fears about hurting her, she's worried about it too.

    get her input on it so everyone is happy (well sorta happy)
    hypermamaz

    Answer by hypermamaz at 5:37 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • Loss anniversaries can be very hard... especially if there is another child sharing the same birth date. I had an early loss and even so it was hard when my neighbour ended up having her baby on my edd. That being said, your son should not miss out on birthday parties and celebrations of his own birth just because his birth ties in with another's loss, and your SIL should understand this. If you are close enough to her to discuss this, I might ask her how she feels about having a party and asking if there's anything you can do to make it easier for her (including giving her permission not to come if she feels it's too hard for her this year.) You're being kind to consider her feelings and that should mean something as well. You can try to still celebrate your child's birth, while being respectful of her feelings, kwim? Hope you can find something were everyone can feel comfortable!
    Freela

    Answer by Freela at 5:37 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

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