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What would you do if you know your kid drank?

Because my dd and I have an open relationship she answers my questions honestly. So when I asked if she drank she said sometimes, and when I asked if she smoked pot, she said a couple of times. I am torn between being really mad, hurt and kinda glad she told me. It is not anything she does every day or even every weekend. But she has done it and knowing it makes me crazy. I don't want her to feel like she can't come to me, but now I question everything when she leaves the house. Not a bad thing, but it feels wrong. I know it is against the law, but I don't really think it is that big a deal. If she have a problem with it that would be different. But knowing is hard. How would you feel?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on Apr. 23, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • I would be very unhappy. My question is, if it's not a big deal to you, why are you even upset about it?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:36 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • I have been there, except I was the child in this scenerio. Me and my mom were super close. At 16, I started having sex and was very open with my mom. She was disappointed and I could tell that, but she never came down hard on me. Then at 17, I told her that I had an occasional drink on weekends. She was very understanding and made sure that I knew that no matter whwere I was, if I was intoxicated or anything like that to call her and she'd come pick me up. If she had acted in any other way, I would have quit telling her things. Basically you have to ask yourself... Do you want her to be honest with you or do you want her to lie to you? My stepdaughter lives with us and she's 15 and has told me things that she has done. I have EVER acted like it was horrible because the first time I did, she'd never tell me anything again. She's at the age where not only am I a mom. I'm a FRIEND too. Too many moms forget that .
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:38 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • My children are still young, but we have always believed that as long as they weren't out running around - if they are safe at home or safe at a friends house and NOT leaving, if they want to drink or smoke pot, it's not a big deal - we both did it. No big deal. I am a much bigger fan of honesty and openness than I am of strict rules against stuff that hurts no one...
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 4:39 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • i would let her know you are not happy about the choices she has made and that you hope she will make better ones next time. but you should atleast be glad she is teling you. most kids would probably not tell their parents this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:41 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • You can speak to her about how you feel only if you can do so without anger or accusations. Otherwise she will cease to trust you and stop talking. You can let her know you don't approve. Research and then inform her of legal consequences. In our state if a minor (younger than 21) is found in possession of alcohol the repercusstions are stiff. First they are cited for MIP (minor in possession) and have a fine and court dates. THEN they lose their drivers license if they have one. If they do not have one yet they are restricted from getting one until after they are 21. If they are driving when caught...they just donated their car to the state. BTW 'In possession means having a beer in your hand OR blowing anything other than 0.00 on a breathalizer. You can be open and set boundaries at the same time.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:43 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • me and my mom were the same way. she'll be alright. shes just a teenager experimenting a little.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 7:11 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • I would be unhappy but as long as it is just experimenting then I wouldn't flip out but the minute it becomes an issue, then I would be sending my son to rehab. My son knows how I feel about it, we talk openly and honestly all the time. I am going to school to be a drug and alcohol counselor so I bring him all kinds of info on the affects of drugs and alcohol. He KNOWS the risks and dangers, so I hope he makes wise decisions.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 10:38 PM on Apr. 23, 2010

  • You're not her friend you're her mother. Do your job and tell her it's not ok and if it continues there will be consequences.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 12:22 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • It is safe for her to try a glass of wine with mom and dad at home. It is not safe for her to drink out with underage friends, then drive home. If she can drink a very small amount with family, she will see how you are supposed to handle drinking (not getting out of hand)
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 9:07 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Uhhh..this is a hard one. I would probably thank her for telling me the truth,remind her of the possible consequences of drinking and drugs,then tell her Im disappointed in her. We would also need to talk about WHY she is doing this.
    imuney

    Answer by imuney at 2:24 PM on Nov. 9, 2010

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