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my inlaws are taking on to much a parenting role with my 3 year son, is that ok?

ok so i live with my inlaws and we have been here for about 4 months and i feel like my son is getting yelled at or disiplined from all angles, my mother in law really gets at him about a lot of things and it makes him so sad, i just feel like they should just let me take care of correcting him, i mean one little kid and a house full of adults i think it is starting to take its toll on him with everyone trying to dicipline him, or is that just me being protective of my son and not want anyone to correct or yell at him. do grandparents have a right to do this?

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jjsmommy926

Asked by jjsmommy926 at 2:07 AM on Apr. 24, 2010 in General Parenting

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Answers (10)
  • If someone gets on to my child and I don't agree. I speak up, I don't care who it is, even if its her own dad. I would never get snappy with my dad in almost all cercumstances. But when he got onto my 2 year old for something and yelled a lot louder than i found necessary, I told him he didn't need to yell so loud at her. Your there to protect your little one, his feelings are included.
    MJ_BN_FE

    Answer by MJ_BN_FE at 2:21 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I agree with MJ. Try to just explain to them that it's taking a toll on him and to let you do the disciplining so he's not so overwhelmed or feeling like he's being attacked from all sides. I'd say something about appreciating what they are trying to do but that you don't think it's particularly necessary or healthy for him in this situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:45 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • We lived at my in-laws for a little over two years, they (MIL & FIL) would get on to the boys about a lot of stuff. MIL treats everyone like they are 5, so we got it too. It didn't matter if we said anything either, the worse was my BIL, who was 17 when we moved in. He would almost torment the boys, playing keep-away with their toys and things. His parents couldn't control him so complaining was pointless, he'd steal stuff from us if we told him to stop.
    My only advice is to try and deal with it as best you can, is this a temporary stay with them? If there is anyway for you to get out....don't wait too long. We've been in our own place for a little over a year, I don't even go to their house anymore if I can avoid it. I still have nightmares that DH loses his job and we had to move back in....I told DH if that ever happened...we'd move in with his ex first!! (her and I are friends...she'd let us stay in a heartbeat)
    daisy521

    Answer by daisy521 at 4:59 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Their house, their rules! You could ask that you be allowed to correct him. But if you are living with them, then you may not have much of an argument to make with them--one that they will accept anyway. The best thing you can do is get out from under their roof. But HIS parents also equals HIS PROBLEM...He really needs to be the one talking to them. They are not going to think the same thing about him that they'd think about you--even if you say the exact same thing.

    I would just tell them that you are his mother and you will correct him. If he is doing something dangerous or hurting himself or someone else, then sure, they should step in..but how are you ever going to learn to be his mom if they are doing it all for you? Maybe they'll accept that line?? If they see you as a child they might.
    Telling them you KNOW they mean well and are trying to help wouldn't hurt.

    Good luck!! And get your own place soon!
    SimplyLaine

    Answer by SimplyLaine at 6:34 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • You need to let your spouse handle your in-laws.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:18 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • If parents are in the same building, there should be no discipline given by others, I don'tcare if it's relatives and you're living with them or just visiting. Not only that but if someone gets on to your child and you are not in full agreement, you put a stop to it. If your husband won't stand up to his parents, you need to. You are the parent, it is up to you to protect your child.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 2:59 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • You know it is taking a toll on your child, you know this isn't in the best interest of your child...so the question really is how do you handle it? Your child looks at you and your husband as his advocates for life. At least right now. Protectors. So if mom and dad do not demonstrate the ability to stick up for him and advocate for his well being then later down the road he won't trust you to do that for him. Why should he bother to trust you with things going on in his life if right now you are showing him other people can make him sad consistentlyand you stand by to do nothing.  It is a tricky situation.  But how do you want to handle it?  You can do nothing and risk your child developing low self esteem, depression, and mistrust in the adults who are supposed to love and care for him.  If you talk to your inlaws you risk tension and your relationship with them.  So it is hard. 

    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 4:57 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • But I can tell you I would rather risk my relationship with my inlaws than risk my relationship and trust my child has in me.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 4:57 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • thanks everyone for there advise and sharing there similar stories, my husband and i have discussed the situation and we are in the process of looking for are own place. he had a new job offer and we have decided he is going to take it which mean we get to move out of here!!!! i do appreciate everything my inlaws have done for us , i think there were too many cooksin the kitchen when it came to parenting so i will be glad to be able to do it on my own again. thanks again everyone
    jjsmommy926

    Answer by jjsmommy926 at 5:18 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I've had this problem with my parents. I had to be pro-active and head them off at the pass, so to speak. I know we can't watch our children every second, but when you see your child doing things you know others disapprove of in the house, just make sure you step in first. If they do speak up while you are discipling, say "I'm handling this thank you". But I don't live with my parents so my method is a little easier for my situation. Perhaps you can speak with the other adults and let them know that all of their stepping in is confusing your son and if they could just let you deal with it. GL
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 7:17 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

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