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Lost my partner

I am in so much pain! Today I packed away our winter clothes and in the back of my closet I found a very sexy outfit that my husband bought me; well at least 6 years ago. I would wear it right now (for him) but it is far more complicated than that. When we first became sensual we were so passionate everything was hot even his finger tips were hot to the touch. But give it enough time…and things have cooled and cooled and cooled….and now it sits in the closet and I sit on a shelf. We hardly ever make love anymore and it is always I that starts it up. I have tried so hard to do things (lingerie, baths, massages, role play, movies, talking, books, toys, love notes, sex games, poetry) anything to get him engaged. When he does “take the bait” it is always short and sweet, and like that it is over. But the real hurt is not in quick finish but rather he does not take the time to seduce or lure!


Asked by Anonymous at 3:24 AM on Apr. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • Yeah, it sounds like you two need to "run away together" Is there any family that could watch your son for even a few days while you guys take some time for yourselves? Have you considered any counseling at all? Sometimes that can help a couple get back on the same page; there doesn't have to be a major problem for you to go to counseling. I hope you get things worked out, it does sound like he still cares, maybe he just needs a major jump start.

    Answer by preacherskid at 8:59 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • (Continued) I am just awkwardly opened up and then left wanting something so much more…not physically so much but rather I am left longing for whatever it was we had back then when there were no cut corners. We would write love notes to each other all day, literately! I would think with great love about how to take us to the next level! Things were so intense and for the last 3 years it has been like trying to raise the dead in our sex life as well as our intimate closeness. I feel he takes little or no time in all in trying to seduce me and in this hustle he has seemed to lose all creativity and joy along with it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • We did have our first and only child 2 years ago and he does sleep in our bed. We are co-sleepers and it has been a great joy for all of us. Also my husband works a lot so I am sure that is a factor as well. We never have a babysitter as we did try that once and my son was actually abused in our absence so neither one of us is really willing to do that again, at least not for the time being. So in all fairness our marriage is more than likely not the breeding ground for wild sex but he has undoubtedly given up on trying to make it passionate. I have to say that I have even reluctantly contemplated having an affair as I have been is such a total state of abandonment sexually. I went so far as to kiss another man but I knew in that moment that this fling would give me no joy and I have not looked back on it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • (continued) I will go to bed soon and I will listen to him breath in his slumber and although I am so close to him I could touch him I will feel a million miles away. I am constantly feeling depressed and alone. This goes so far beyond love making or the lack of it. I know this is a lot to confide in a perfect stranger but I am completely at the end of my rope. I have been contemplating a divorce. I even told him that, and he told me that he wants me more than anything but this leaves me even more puzzled and depressed. I sincerely hope that there is another woman who may be able to shed true insight in my dilemma.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • It sounds like you two need some serious away time. I assumed you've talked to him about this? I've never been in that situation so I really don't know what to say, except I wish you the best.

    Answer by daisy521 at 4:36 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I have to admit that when a man fall out of attraction to you, he may be getting it somewhere else, just putting it out there. This is a huge warning sign that a man has strayed. My advice to is fight to get the romance back, and when you have exhausted all options and nothing has worked, he is cheating.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 11:22 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • My best advice to you is to unpack all those sexy outfits and find a new man. I bet that will get him going.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 11:33 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I think he's just settled in, it's not about you or rejecting you as a person. He probably just feels it's no longer necessary. Just tell him that you miss those things from back when. Don't push it but just plant that seed and see what grows.

    Answer by admckenzie at 11:40 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Girl push it hard, and if he refuses to join in on the romance, lose him. I hate a boring, couch potato, video playing man.

    Answer by ambr2006 at 11:45 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Sorry, but I think there should only be one man in your bed and that is your husband. You can't expect him to feel sexy with a child sleeping between you and keeping you apart, obviously co-sleeping is affecting your bond with him and you should try something different. What good is co-sleeping going to do your child if he has divorced parents?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:35 PM on Apr. 24, 2010