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My fiancee told me tonight his head is messed up..I'm due in 3 wks! I don't know how to deal with this...

I love him yes, he works out of state, I'm preg due in three wks the stress can lead to arguments,I'm home alone, the smallest argument has him depressed & talking crazy, today I got..
"My heads messed up dnt knw if I'd make a good dad, I'm a horrible person & I've a lot of issues about being honest. I'm horrible at telling the truth cause I think if ppl find out who I really am, no one will ever truly love me, that includes my parents. So I guess since I can never be truly honest with someone I just try to find some1 to be with & alter myself to be more acceptable to them. Otherwise I'd be alone for my entire life which is my greatest fear, so I often rush into relationships"


I'm engaged to this guy I'm glad he's honest, but fear if "altering" is all he's done, what about us? is he just with me cause it was comfortable? What if "finding himself" ends up not loving me or wanting a baby? Hes 27, not in midlife crisis!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:26 AM on Apr. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Is this the first time he has acted this way?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:38 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • He's the "you made me mad" so thats why "I called u this or did that or said whatver'. I come from a huge family, well six kids, he's an only child. So excuse some of that as him perhaps being a bit spoiled. Example today he DID dump me, says we're over & hangs up. Then starts texting 100 reasons why "he cants be with me" I reply with "okay" "alright" etc.I can't get worked up I'm due soon, then seven hours later he's like "Fine, if u didn't txt or call me, u don't want us to be together we won't" I replied "You dumped ME I'm due in 3 wks, I can't do this dance, play games, babys coming with or without u, i'm not here to cry & beg or convince u" & he's like "well you didn't ask for me back". eventually says hes sorry he's a "horrible person & everything is his fault" which I'm the type who always says "Both our faults, we both need to work etc".
    It is the first time tho he's said he's conformed tho & thats scary.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:45 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • OP again, I guess I'm scared maybe he is too, but it's like he's leaving the door open to still bail out on us. over the last month he's said things like "Yeah, I won't ever get to see him" when he talks about ending the relationship & I've not even threatned to not let him see his baby! Even today when he was feeling sorry for himself, he asked me after he dumps me to write a letter to his parents who love me at this point & break the news to them 'cause they'd be angry if they knew he dumped me & this was all while he'd just dumped me on the phone & I'm trying not to cry so I sarcastically said "You just dumped me I'm having this baby in 3 wks, helping u break news to ur parents isn't my priority right now" he replys with "f u b*tch" & hangs up, then thats it until he texts accusing me of not contacting him to get him back. He doesn't get it, we can't play like this, we've a baby, one we planned & ever since he's been like..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:52 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • .....this ever since I entered the last trimester, like he's backing out or trying to or something....it's always something. All the hormonal, the crying, the being alone, etc I feel I've had to codille him throughout it because its always this negative, depression "I'm a pos, I wouldn't be a good dad"..."lets break up, you'll probably be so hurt you wont want me around the baby, so we'll say goodbye now"...etc. even today after he'd done this, he texted me with things like "You hate me" or "I'm probably the worst person you know' etc etc. I said "No I've never hated you, i think ure selfish sometimes, but hate doesn't come to mind, ure also the father of my son, & hating u isn't gonna help him so no hate here". finally he pitied his way back into the relationship & we're together still. but frustrating beyond compare..!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:57 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • This is so sad. Remind him of why the two of you decided to have a baby. Find a couples counselor to help you through this; if he won't go, then go alone.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:07 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Sounds like he's bipolar or something..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • He's being a punk!!! it doesn't seem like he wants the responsibilities of being a father. I suspect he probably can't deal with the guilt he feels about wanting to abandon you and the baby. So that's where the wishy washy ness comes from. I would just focus on my baby and forget about that loser. He's sending out a huge red flag I wouldn't ever marry or deal with him past his responsibilities financially to his child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:15 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • These are issues that should have been worked through before you decided to have a baby. No child should have to be born into this kind of situation. You and your boyfriend had choices--your child had none, and every child deserves to have a daddy and a mama who loves him and who are willing to give him a secure home in which to grow up. Consider adoption, please!! Your child deserves a better life than the one you will be offering. I think your guy probably just doesn't want the responsibility of parenthood and he is trying to somehow shift the blame of that onto you. It's so typical of these situations, but every woman seems to believe that hers will be different. When a guy wants to screw you before he is married to you, he is not interested in having a family. He just wants to use you and move on. The only difference is that some of them have a bit more conscience than others and thus have a harder time leaving.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • He needs counseling, hopefully very soon. He is obviously trying to secure his place in your relationship after the baby is born - he wants you to tell him that he will be a wonderful father, blah blah blah. He is an attention whore, and if he doesn't get some help soon he is going to be even worse when you have a newborn that requires constant care.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 9:34 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Girl his head is not messed up, come on wake up. He is trying to get out of being a father. MOST men, and I said MOST, will try to move away from any responsibilty dealing with a kid. Or he has met someone, and too much of a coward to tell you. Anyway, you should pay attention to the warning signs that he is trying to move on, and this is one of them. Tell him to be more specific because having a messed up head does not make sense to me, am I right moms?
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 11:12 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

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