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HELP!!!!!!!!!

Somebody has got to help me... My 2 1/2 year old will not listen no matter what I do. I have done time outs yes I have spanked and I have yelled. I have tried to ask nicely I have tried to tell nicely but nothing I mean nothing will work. There are things going on with her daddy right now and he is not able to see her more than one day a week for 1 hour and no phone calls(long story) so I'm left to do this all on my own. I do not know what to do. She listens to other people(my mom,my stepsons and their mom, my grandma etc etc)she just will NOT listen to me. I can not take it anymore I'm loosing my voice from yelling my head hurts all the time and I am not enjoying my DD because she will not listen no matter what it's about if she doesn't want to do it she is not going to and I do not know what to do PLEASE HELP!!!!!!

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delilahsmom1177

Asked by delilahsmom1177 at 10:11 AM on Apr. 24, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 19 (7,071 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Try giving her options. Like if she wont listen when it comes to food ask her if she would want this to eat or that to eat. If she wont listen about putting up her toys make a game out of it. Thats what I do. Everytime my sons dad leaves for training or deployment Jack starts acting out. So, I try giving him options and it really does work. Just try to be consistant its not going to fix itself over night it might take a couple of days. Good Luck :)
    armywife2009101

    Answer by armywife2009101 at 10:15 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Is this because she is bored? Does she need more structure to prevent acting out? Are you praising her when she does good things? Or just focusing on the negative? What does she like to do that is fun?

    I do understand how you feel, BTW. Our oldest is 22 months and is starting to try testing the boundaries as well. Best of luck to you and hang in there!
    love2snorkel70

    Answer by love2snorkel70 at 10:16 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Well, first off, yelling isn't working and its only giving you a headache - so stop the yelling. While it does burn calories, it just isn't productive to dealing with your daughter.

    The key is consistent punishment. If you are going to do time outs, do only time outs. I personally only used spankings as a last resort and usually it was only a slap on the hand when they were going to do something unsafe like touch a hot iron or hot stove.
    Be firm and gentle. Sometimes a low, calm, firm tone does far more than screaming. Especially if used with a stern look on the face. Children that age do respond to facial expressions.

    And with what's going on with her daddy, she needs a firm but loving mom that's not losing her head by yelling so much.

    Good luck with everything and remember that 2 ½ can be a difficult age.

    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:21 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Well let me start off by saying the yelling probably needs to stop. Kids do not respond well to this. I am not criticizing, I am actually speaking from experience. I am still going through that phase with my 3 year old right now and I have seen that the more I get upset, yell, and spank, the worse she acts. I started noticing her yelling at me more, trying to slap at me more. Where did she learn this behavior? FROM ME. So I stopped it all together. I am not going to say she is a perfect angel now because of it, because she isn't, but staying calm and trying to calmly handle the situation will make her calm down for you alot quicker. I know what your going through, these are trying times, and I often wonder what the heck I was thinking by quitting work to be a stay at home mom LOL. But it will pass, eventually.
    Ctink8189

    Answer by Ctink8189 at 10:24 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • OK now I ask another question... Because I have yelled(screamed too) do you think that is why she disrespects me all the time. I would love to know that it is my fault and that I can change it and my baby will be OK. I do not want my foolishness to effect her the rest of her life.
    delilahsmom1177

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 11:05 AM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • The yelling won't do permanent damage. But at some point, she'll start yelling back - if she hasn't already. Just take a deep breath next time she starts something that in the past has you yelling at her. Then be very quiet when you say something to her. She'll have to stop and actually listen to you. I do this when I teach the younger children at church and I did it with my children when they were younger also.

    That you are aware that something needs to change is a biggie! In that manner alone, you are a GREAT MOM! Don't be too hard on yourself and remember that 2½ is a very hard stage.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 1:28 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • No, she is not disrespecting you because of the yelling. She is disrespecting you because you have not gotten up and provided consistent discipline and direction. You can solve this completely and quickly, do not be discouraged. And yes, it is completely under your control.

    But it is difficult for anyone to tell you precisely what to change without being able to observe your parenting. Usually when a toddler is out of control it is because the parent has not chosen a proactive form of discipline and made enforcing it job number one. Most people who claim to have found time out ineffective have never actually used time out correctly. I would suggest that you start there. You need a place for time out, you need to put her there every time she fails to listen or breaks a rule and you need to leave her there. If she gets up you need to return her to time out without engaging with her in any way. It will be very hard but it works.
    Suzy_Sunshine

    Answer by Suzy_Sunshine at 1:28 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • twinsplus Thank you so much. I know things need to change and I am willing to do it, I just can not seem to make her listen. I took her cartoons away until Monday she doesn't care, I told her she couldn't go to her Nanny's(my mom), I tell her you will go to bed early etc etc and she does not care. I teel her your on a time out and she doesn't care. I just don't know what more to do.
    delilahsmom1177

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 1:44 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • What does she care about?
    And for some kids - positive re enforcement has a bigger impact than punishment. For example, those things you want her to do - like pick up her toys, put her dishes in the sink, put her clothes in the hamper (never to early to start) ......if she does them without stomping, fussing, fighting, complaining - she gets a sticker on a chart. When she gets to a certain number of stickers - 5,10, etc.....then she gets something special OR something Back that you've taken away. She gets an extra cartoon, time with her grandmother, etc. If she doesn't do it, then no star.
    Also, sometimes it helps to get down on her level. You are the big towering Mommy and sometimes she need Mommy to come down face to face and quietly deal with her. And when all else fails, pick her up, give her a Giant hug, tell her you love her, and then place her in her room for some quiet time so you don't explode.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 2:37 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Twins I actually do that. She has her chore chart and when she gets 20 stickers for the whole week she gets to go to the dollor store and pick out one new toy. The whole towering over things was quite funny because soon she will be bigger than me. She already is up to my waist and is only 2 1/2 lol. She has chores that she will do sometimes. She has so far gotten 20 stars 3 times out of 4.I wanted things to settle down with her daddy before I tried anything. Things just got settled and well actually in a few weeks to a few months things will change again. I hate to admit it but he is going to prison by June the latest and well it's really hard for both of us. Him and I are still together and him not being here to help me gets to me and him only being able to talk to me on the phone about it is upsetting. KNowing he is going away hurts us both. She knows he will soon not be able to see her at all. I think maybe that's what this
    delilahsmom1177

    Answer by delilahsmom1177 at 3:06 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

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