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Fostering/ adopting children under 4?

I'm reading Adopting a Child who Hurts. Learning a bit about kids who have been neglected or abused during their formative years.

My youngest is 4 so my hubby and I don't want to mix up the birth order- we want to bring a child in younger than our 4 year old. Does anyone have any experience with infant-3 years?


Asked by txdaniella at 11:28 AM on Apr. 24, 2010 in Adoption

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This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Its caused from not being able to form a bond or attachment to one caregiver. They can't depend on any one person to give them what they need. I think my son would have been WAY better off if I would have known what RAD was when we first got him. He didn't get diagnosed until last year @ 5 y/o. But, the longer he is with us the more he trusts us and he has his moments when he acts like a crazy person but, they are getting less and less.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:36 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Read on attachment disorders if your wanting to adopt 18-36 month olds.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:08 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • We brought our daughter home at 18months. She never lived with her mom. She went  from the hospital to a foster home that took kids with medical needs. It took 4  years to make her adoption final. We also had placement of a newborn. He was with us one year and then we had to give him back. The state thought they had a solid case against his mom but they where wrong. We asked for ages 3 and under but our licence was for 7 and under. You end up having final say in any child they present to you. So you don't need to feel like just because they offered one you have to say yes. There is so much involved in what types of issues each child has and their needs.  you have to know how much you can handle.  But definitely look into attachment disorders and the types of problems children have with drug and alcohol exposure.  Most of this should be covered in your classes. 


    Answer by BlooBird at 2:37 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Adopting a Hurting Child is mostly about attachment issues. I am trying to find more books on it. Our classes will begin this summer.

    BlooBird, have you seen any RAD issues with your 2?

    Another question; if we have a child come into the home, then perhaps go back to her biological parents for a time, would it be wise to maybe wait before accepting a new child, in case the original foster child was put back into care (so he or she wouldn't have to be bounced from different home to different home?) Thanks!

    Answer by txdaniella at 7:41 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • My adopted son formerly stepson has RAD. He is manic in his mood swings, he has threatened the other children, he is steals, he hoards, he overeats, he tells me he hates me, he tells people we don't feed him, he can't tell the truth, it goes on and on. He was born to my husband and his ex wife, she took him from the hospital, hubby wasn't allowed visits, she passed him to whoever would take him for however long. When my husband tried to call and see about him BM's family told him they weren't there and then denied telling him that. When my son came to live with us (we sued for visits and got custody) he was an angel about 7 months later all this started coming out. Its been a roller coaster. He has been with us for 3 years and the longer he is away from his BM's family the better he is. Thank God we aren't forced to allow visits anymore. When placement happens be ready for anything and put the child in counseling.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:04 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • You can find books on Amazon when finding a counselor make sure they have experience in adopted children and experience in RAD.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 9:05 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • You usually don't have to worry about a child going back. When it's a foster adopt situation they don't present a child until they know the case is going to terminate the parental rights. What happened to us was not par for the course. I think they say it only happens 2% of the time. And we never had any issues with RAD in our DD. But she does have some issues due to her mothers drug abuse and because she was a micro-preemie. (ADD, Asthma, Allergies, feeding issues, sensory integration disorder)


    Answer by BlooBird at 10:48 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • My book mentioned that babies as young as 18 months whom had been neglected/ abused could suffer from RAD and I am very curious because they are so little, and cannot remember, but I guess they are picking up on feelings of insecurity. SO sad : (

    Answer by txdaniella at 11:05 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • We are foster parents. We have had placements of a 4 yr old, 1 month old, 7 month old, and done respite for a group of 7,3,2. I was worried to death about all the "disorders" you can read about. I have learned that the actuality of the situations we have had to face is not scary. (I don't want to discount those struggling with issues.) I'll tell you that if you want to add a younger child to your home it is likely going to have to be through the avenue of fostering that child first, going through all the bull crap with DCS for what seems like forever and hoping it ends in adoption. Most foster families adopt the young children who they've fostered. Our 4yr old was normal drama,sweet and funny/her case was unfounded/we still keep in touch. Our 7mo old was neglect - she had some developmental delays which she recovered from quickly with attention, but she did have attachment issues. They weren't severe, con'td

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • she just wasn't a really affectionate child who wanted to tickle and laugh and get excited. She wasn't so severe she didn't want to be touched. She just seemed standoff'ish but not shy. Our other little one was exposed to prescription drug abuse. She went through withdrawl, was released from the hospital, then came back in 2 weeks later with a severe skull fracture and was then put on a feeding tube. She struggled with the feeding issues which resolved at about 11 months old, the fracture healed fine, her personality was a little fussy, but she was the most happy, playful, sweet, bold baby in the world. She had some gross motor skill things to work on, which there again, with physical therapy have resolved. As far as the respite kids, the 7 yr old-totally normal kid, 3yo-she was the tantrum thrower-she screamed I want my momma over and over-duh-not the worst thing ever, the 2yo was the tag along with the sisters. Cont

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Apr. 26, 2010