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Question for the ladies who have adopted?

What were your requirements? How much would you guess you spent total? My DH and I have been TTC for a few years but my infertility problems just seem to keep getting worse so last night we talked about adoption. Any advice?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:26 PM on Apr. 24, 2010 in Adoption

Answers (14)
  • The requirements where too many to list but basically we had to prove we were healthy, had an income, and pass a criminal background check. I paid nothing for our adoption and $10 for a new birth certificate with her new name.
    BlooBird

    Answer by BlooBird at 4:28 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I see all these stories of these parents spending hundreds of thousands of dollars to adopt. How did you spend none? Curious.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I adopted through the state.
    BlooBird

    Answer by BlooBird at 4:36 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Oh okay!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • We did a private domestic adoption. It was between the national average of $12,000 and $25,000 for a private adoption. It took less than six months. In the end all the money paid came back to us through an adoption tax credit. Being healthy, answering questions, have our home studied, background check....all those things were involved.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 4:49 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • We spent about $27K and adopted from overseas. Our primary requirements were integrity and predictability. We selected our agency and program country based on decades of successful, above board adoptions. Also we both had an affinity for the children from that nation.

    Transitioning from a plan to have a biological child to adopting can be tricky for some couples and it's important that you look at your expectations and reasons for considering adoption. There is a reason that you did not choose adoption first. If it was simply because you really had never considered it then you should be ready to move forward pretty quickly.

    I highly recommend Adoptive Families, both the website and the magazine. They have and extraordinary Adoption Guide that lays out all of your options. Avoid adoption.com they are just a business that will sell advertising to any agency regardless of reputation and they don't do any research.
    Suzy_Sunshine

    Answer by Suzy_Sunshine at 6:51 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • We adopted twice through Catholic Charities. The first time it cost $5,000 plus legal fees, and the second time was in another diocese. That time it cost $10,000 plus legal fees. We had the same process that is required everywhere - criminal background check, homestudy, and a physical. We also had to have personal references and a pastor reference. I would recommend that you start using this time to research adoption, and think about what you both want. These days the norm is open adoption, which can range from minimal contact to a lot of contact. We have two open adoptions - one with a lot of contact and one with almost none. We are glad that we have contact with both of our kids' birthfamilies. PM me if you want, but just be aware that I may be slow to respond because I'm a FT student and we're coming up on finals. GL!
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 8:15 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • We adopted domestically through an agency. We ended up spending about $30K. It took 6 months to get through the homestudy then we watied 21 months for placement. A good place to start if by reading the book "The Adoption Resource Book" by Lois Gilman. Actual costs and time vary dramatically based on where you live, type of adoption (domestic agency, domestic private, internaitional, foster care, etc). The adoption tax credit will help but it has an income limit on it and gradually gets phased out. If either you or your husband work for a big company, look to see if they have adoption assistance which can be either access to an adoption consultant and/or money towards an adoption. Our adoption consultant explained our options, the processes, and helped guide us to agencies to review. it was very helpful. You can message me directly if you'd like.
    momofryan07

    Answer by momofryan07 at 6:38 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • The poster who said it only took 6 months was very, very lucky. On average the time between completion of the homestudy and placement is 12 to 18 months.. How long it takes to get through the homestudy varies based on how quickly you can get the paperwork together and the process the agency uses (i.e. if your agency waits for a minimum number of people before running one of the classes, it may take you longer). Private adoptions (using an adoption lawyer) can sometimes go faster but there's no guarantee you'll ever get placed. Our agency had a "longest waiting family" rule that meant that if a birth mother didn't want to choose a family, the agency would choose the family that had been waiting longest and met the birth mother's requirements (i.e if the child was black or preemie, the adoptive family had to be willing to accept this..)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:05 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Sometimes it does just seem like it's all about luck. My kids' pediatrician and his wife (also a pedicatrician) waited only three weeks. I don't think their DD's bmom even knew yet that they were doctors. She was just very athletic and like them because she saw a picture of them running in a marathon.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 9:45 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

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