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Grandparent favoritism.......

Maybe it is just me but I think my FIL shows my niece who is 2 1/2 favoritism. My DD is 4 & was the first born & spent alot of time with her grandparents but since the niece came along it is like he could care less about my DD. When he sees my DD (he goes weeks without seeing her) he doesn't light up when he sees her & my niece that he sees at 4-5 times a week (my SIL works in the family business) he lights up & starts joking with her right away! It really bothers me but don't want to say anything & start problems. What would you do? Or should I not care?????

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Apr. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • my dd is the favorite grandchild. and it bothers me to see my niece not be treated fairly by my FIL. but i would not know what to say to him about it so i just leave it alone.
    jennifer588

    Answer by jennifer588 at 6:30 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • My DD's paternal grandmother is this way. Her favorite grandchild is her the oldest boy. My DD is now 8, & totally sees that her grandma favors her older brother. Granted though, she did take care of him when he was a baby (he is not my son). He was born with a cleft lip & his teen mother could not care for him very well, so grandma took care of him. They bonded really well. DD does notice though that he gets most of her attention, & at Christmas time, he gets the most expensive & coolest presents.

    I did explain to my DD about her taking care of him as a baby. She does understand better now. I told her that her older brothers mother was not around & Grandma had to do her best to love him & take care of him & because of that, they have an extremely close bond. I told her that she should feel luck that I WAS around to love & care for her. We just deal with it. Nothing we can do to change it, we just have to except it.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 6:32 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Growing up my brother and one female cousin were the obvious favorites to my grandmother. When I was younger it really bothered me. It hurt my feelings a lot and I always felt like I had to compete. When I got older, I just kind of got over it. I realized that I was the favorite of some other family members and that I didn't have to be everyone's favorite. Take it as a teaching opportunity for your child. If she asks you about it tell her that she isn't going to be everyone's favorite all the time and that is okay. Her grandfather still loves her very much. Maybe even ask another family member to spend some quality time with her, have your mother take her out to lunch once a week, or a special aunt or something like that so that she can feel special treatment from someone.

    Most importantly I wouldn't say anything to anyone in the family about it. Accusations of favoritism don't go over well.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 6:36 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • my grandfather did it with my sister and my mother does it with my nephew. i HATE it. esp. from my mom. she knows how bad my grandfather blantent favortism hurt me and now she does the same thing. i feel like becuase my sister had her kids younger that my ds and the new one on the way are no longer important.
    KJ_on

    Answer by KJ_on at 7:54 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I completley understand My dad has 4 grandsons and 4 grandaughters and he has his favorites and my father in law has over 100 grandkids and great grandkids and he has 2 grandsons who are everything it use to really bother us but as time has went on we ignore it and are kids are old enough they know and have asked questions about it and I tell them There father and I have enough love to make up for it we just keep a friendly distance and go on with ourselves.I figure they are the ones who are missing out not me If there ever comes a day they end up in a nursing home and wonder why there grandkids don't come around they done it to themselves.
    mom2fivekids579

    Answer by mom2fivekids579 at 9:51 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • The reason that there is "favoritism" is because he is around the other child more often. Maybe if there was fewer weeks in between visits then it would disappear.
    MamaRoberts

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 11:51 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

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