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My husband's extended family is racist and it makes me so uncomfortable. How should I act?

I never laugh at their jokes or comments (and neither does my DH) but it gets so awkward. I don't even care to hang out with them but obviously you have to see extended family members sometimes.

I guess what I am trying to figure out is if I should say something or just remain quiet since it obvious that we don't agree? I don't want to start a huge thing with people that aren't going to change and also aren't my family.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:51 PM on Apr. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Just be quite. Whatever you say isnt going to make them change their minds.
    armywife2009101

    Answer by armywife2009101 at 7:55 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I too have extended family like that. I ignore them. TRUST me, they don't care what you think....in fact, they don't care what ANYONE thinks...it's pretty much par for the course, and why they are racist in the first place! LOL
    LoriKeet

    Answer by LoriKeet at 8:08 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • You're right... you can't change how others view the world... trying is Moot point.

    All you can do really is not laugh at their jokes, ignore them... they'll most likely Q in on it and lay it low, stop or go on.. If they ask say I'm going to have to agree to disagree with the joke... Or I think we have different views here and I'd rather not bring up anything that could end up touchy or hurt a relationship.

    If they do or say anything that truly offends you then politely ask they don't do that in your presence. It's a kind way that most likely have much of a dispute.

    Good luck. Not a fun situation.
    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 8:14 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • My mom, step-dad, uncle, and grandma where all racists. They would all tell nasty iggnorant jokes all the time about other nationalities and it would make me really uncomfortable. I never said anything because I never wanted the fight. When I was 16 I dated an african american (i am native american, but the rest of my family is French/German so i stick out) and my family basically told me they would disown me. I hated the way they would talk sometimes but then my cousin married a african american and had a child with him and now all of sudden my racist family was extremely accepting. So i guess peoples outlook can change when circumstances are different.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:20 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I think we may be married into the same family.

    My in laws (MIL and FIL are drunken redneck idiots and I have a limit to my tolerance. Especially now that my kids are getting to the age where they listen to and repeat things they hear. I ignore them up to a point but once they reach the end of my tolerance I say something. It's usually along the lines of "I'd really appreciate it if you could keep your comments and ignorance to yourselves around my children and I. You are entitled to your opinion but I am not going to sit here any longer and listen to the garbage that comes out of your mouths." Or something along those lines. I try not to let it get me angry or I end up sounding like a raving lunatic potty mouth and that isn't good for the kids to see either!

    Thankfully they live far away and we only see them once a year.
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 10:36 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • ugh, im going through the same thing. they aren't extremely racist, but they make racist comments more than they should and they say the most ignorant things. it's really hard for me to just sit there and be quiet. It's gotten to the point to where i try to ignore SO'S dad at all costs. he is one of those people that makes my head want to blow up. he's said some jokes that have made me CRY because i was so offended. It just bothers me so much because everyone sees them as not being like that because thats how they portray themselves to everyone else and i'm thinking " are you fucking kidding me?" they have said numerous times to me " we dont think we're better than anyone else." then five minutes later they're calling people "white trash and the n-word and fags."


    so's dad has even made a joke about someone drowning. he talked to this women that told him her husband was missing and he said what do you mean he's missing.
    ammbbbeeeerrrrr

    Answer by ammbbbeeeerrrrr at 12:00 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • CONTINUED- and she said he was in a boat and his boat was found with him not in it or something like that. and his dad supposedly said, well isn't he dead and the lady told him no, he was missing. something along those lines. well he told us, "how could someone be missing, he obviously drowned and is dead." I had a close friend that drowned in a river and was missing for a while, i literally broke down and cried because it was so disgusting that he would think it was funny to say something like that.
    ammbbbeeeerrrrr

    Answer by ammbbbeeeerrrrr at 12:04 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • CONTINUED- and she said he was in a boat and his boat was found with him not in it or something like that. and his dad supposedly said, well isn't he dead and the lady told him no, he was missing. something along those lines. well he told us, "how could someone be missing, he obviously drowned and is dead." I had a close friend that drowned in a river and was missing for a while, i literally broke down and cried because it was so disgusting that he would think it was funny to say something like that.
    ------------------------------

    Oh my GOD! What the fuck is his damage? Was he dropped on his head as a child or something? Holy shit....GRRRR!
    Allergic2Stupid

    Answer by Allergic2Stupid at 12:13 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Oh my bob i have the same problem yall do. My FIL favorite word is n***er and he literally uses it every five minutes. The funny thing is, i mentioned to him how me and DH were thinking about adoption, and i told him i would like to adopt a black kid instead of white so my daughter learns to see everyone as equal, and he hasnt said the n-word since, at least not in front of me or DH, lol
    charliebean

    Answer by charliebean at 3:47 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

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