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For those of you who got pregnant before getting married, did you/do you/will you teach your child(ren) that it is wrong to do so?

I did, and I feel a little hypocritical "preaching" to my DD about it... but I don't want her to do the same thing I did. I mean, granted, I got pregnant, had her, then got married, and we're still married.. but it is just the point.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:40 PM on Apr. 24, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (35)
  • im not gonna teach them its "wrong" or that its like a "sin" or anything. my issue is not so much that i had a kid before i was married, its that i was young. but yes i am going to tell them that they should know that the person they are having a child with is the one they are going to be with forever, not just for there sake but for there childs sake, and that they should do at an age that they can handle it.

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 10:44 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I didn't get pregnant, but did have sex, and do drugs and will teach my kids that they were bad decisions on my part and show them the consequences I suffered because of those choices.

    Answer by txdaniella at 10:44 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I don't believe it is wrong, so no I won't teach them that it is.

    Answer by Kathy-PSPR at 10:47 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I have 4 married after the first 1 was 20 months old...had 2 more with that husband divorced and remarried because I was pregnant the 4th time.
    I have been honest with my first 3 about the marriage between me and their dad, they appreciate the honesty and can understand why it didn't work. They TOTALLY understand! I think they appreciate it actually because they know why type of guy he is. Anyway I explain to them that marriage is best when it comes to getting pregnant and I have had one pipe up and ask " so how is it that going mom, doing the right thing"....then I have to explain that marriage is about growing and learning and with time a husband and wife can become best friends if they weren't already.
    Thing is they have never seen the real ups and downs of marriage so when there is a down point they think I should leave.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I don't think that having the baby before marriage is wrong... it's having the baby too early in their life that I worry about. I was pregnant at 16, a mom by 17 and just had my 3rd when I was 21. Having my kids young was the hardest thing I ever had to do and I don't want them to have to go through what I did. I want them to be able to "skate" through life as long as they can before they are thrusted into being adults. I believe I was lucky and grew up fast and handled the responsibility well, but I'd never want to see my girls so through it.

    Answer by things_not_sane at 11:07 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I have already had a talk with my son who is now 12. And I explained that he is a wonderful thing that happened to me and I will forever be thankful for him, but having him before I was married has come with consequences. Such as, being a single mother I have not been able to give my son a stable home to live in (we had to move a lot to afford places) and I have not been able to go to college and I am stuck in a job I am not happy with. and i tell him that I want him to be at a job that he enjoys! I believe kids can LEARN from us. Its not being hyprocritical to say yes I love you and you are my world but there are reasons to wait till you are married. My son wants his father to be in his life so bad and that will never happen. He will have that void forever. I am now married and my son loves his step father but he still feels the void.

    Answer by AmyLynn5398 at 11:12 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • Well if you got pg before marriage and you feel that it was the wrong way way to do it, you aren't being hypcritical you are teaching from experience.

    Answer by GOC.Admin at 11:18 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I think it is better to be truthful about it because eventually they will find out that you lied. i got pregnant before i got married and if my child asks then i will tell them yes i did, but just because i did it and it worked out fine doesnt mean that it will happen with everyone.

    Answer by Decker at 11:25 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I was pregnant before I was married. And no I'm not going to preach that its wrong like one of the PP's said before. But I was also only 19, and I in no way feel hypocritical for telling him, or my daughters that i had after marriage, that he should take every precaution if he just can not wait til marriage. Granted I have a lot of things in my past I hope he learns from rather than experiences himself. I will be telling him constantly to focus in HS, and not drop out like I did. I preach that to my younger brother and cousins now. Constantly tell them it is so much harder to finish it now. And my DS, I was pregnant and his Bio-dad took off. I married a man I've know since we were 12, and eventually he'll know that too. And I hope he can learn from that to stand up and take care of what he creates....

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • well id teach her that she should get married first....but if the time comes and she gets preg before shes married i wouldnt prefer her to be married first but i wouldnt bash her..especially since i wasnt married and im not even with her father..but i am with a better man and i am thankful for it! so im not gonna bash her for something that i did...but again as far as teaching id jus let her know it'd be better and id prefer it

    Answer by momOF2Girls0710 at 11:29 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

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