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Why are holidays so difficult for foster kids/ adopted kids?

 
txdaniella

Asked by txdaniella at 10:50 PM on Apr. 24, 2010 in Adoption

Level 22 (14,983 Credits)
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Answers (13)
  • One thing more....kid's in foster care usually love their bio parents, pretty much no matter what. They may not have good memories of them, they may not really want to live with them but they still love them whether or not the parents deserve it. That can be a good thing, because if you think about it, if they hated their bio parents, they might also hate themselves because they are a part of that genetic connection.
    meriana

    Answer by meriana at 5:20 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • I'm not sure what you are asking, can you be more specific about the situation?
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 10:51 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I am sure for foster kids it's because they are apart from their biological parents. Even kids who have been abused have a longing for their parents. Here we have a big shopping day where each foster family gets to go pick out one free gift for each child. For some of these children it might be the only gift they get. Not all foster families treat their foster children like they would treat their own.

    BlooBird

    Answer by BlooBird at 10:56 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I have seen on adoption sites, that children would rather not celebrate holidays.
    Peanutsmommy, we do not have a foster child, yet. I'm trying to educate myself beforehand, though,,,
    txdaniella

    Answer by txdaniella at 11:00 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • I was a foster and an adopted child. I as a child felt left out and not wanted because I wasn't with my parents. I wuld rather spend time with my own family then with strangers and I would rather be with my family. ( I wasn't abused, my mother passed away father went nuts and couldn't care for us) Well as I have gotten older I realized my behavoir wasn't that good and that I should have been more open to what the family I lived with had planned. Included them in things ask them what they did in there own home to make them feel comfortable. that helped me alot when I moved to a new foster home. Well good luck hopefully things work out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:51 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • What are you trying to ask? And where, specifically did you get this idea?


    I think we can all intuit that holidays will be difficult for foster children because they don't have parents! They have experienced tremendous upheaval and don't expect to be in your house for the next holiday so why would they invest in this one. But it would be an enormous mistake to project that upon any given foster child in your home because you then set him up for failure. 


    Have you taken any classes yet?

    Suzy_Sunshine

    Answer by Suzy_Sunshine at 9:37 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • I can't answer for adopted children, but we are foster parents. The kids DO have parents(most of the time) (Suzy Sunshine) however one of 3 things are happening during holidays. Most children want to be with their parents regardless of who they are and what they've done even if we as the adults on the outside find it hard to believe how or why. So they either want to be with their parents but are not allowed, they want to be with their parents and the parents aren't around for their kids, or they do get to go spend time with their parents/biofamily but they know they have to leave them again so it really sucks all the way around for a foster child who still wants to be with her/his family. Their are more foster children who want to be with their own family even if they have to live in a car than those who have truly had enough of the situation they've come out of and want a new life with an adoptive family.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:24 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Many of the foster children also get overwelmed with Christmas at our homes. They normally only get a few gifts if any from mom/dad and those are generally what many of us would consider throwaway toys. Then here we are their Santa's that get them the sun & the moon only to have them feel overwelmed, guilty, unsure, etc of why santa would give them so many gifts that were exactly what they asked for and more. Then they feel guilty for enjoying staying with us because they want what many of the other kids have but at the same time they long to go home.

    Then you have the child that takes these wonderful gifts home only to have them sold, stolen or even end back up in foster care with the gifts left behind with all their other belongings creating more uphevel in their young lives.

    How about the child that doesn't celebrate Easter because their family doesn't believe in it & we're teaching them about it? So much confusion.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 11:59 AM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • We have had kids placed with us right before Christmas and it is hard on them to be with us and enjoy oopening any gifts we get tehm while missing bip family. We have also noticed that as anniversaries of their removal approach we have issues with them not wanting to be involved with what we do for the holidays. I think each child is different though. The three we have adopted through foster care are adjusted to us and get totally involved in each holiday. We have started our own traditions and we always includ any foster children in them too. This last Christmas I decided we would start making gingerbread houses with gingerbread people in the "yard" each child got to decorate their "person" any way they wanted and then decided where they were going to be in the "yard" builing a snowman (peep) ice skating or behind a snow fort made of marshmellows, the kids all had fun.
    niehoff9

    Answer by niehoff9 at 12:19 PM on Apr. 26, 2010

  • Annonymous - you're right they do have parents, but they don't... that's the problem
    Suzy_Sunshine

    Answer by Suzy_Sunshine at 12:22 PM on Apr. 26, 2010