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wow i really need some advice, i have no where to go if i leave him, but im totally unhappy most of the time!! what to do?

so my bf and i have been together 4 years and have 2 kids (one is not his but hes been there for here since age 2), he loves the kids and they love him, i also love him very much! but he is just not doing ANYTHING to try to meet my needs. im bored, horny, and tired ALL THE TIME. im a sahm and work 2 to 3 nights @ a grocery store. he is the manager of a subway rest. and works from 7am to 2 pm most days. when he comes home he barely lifts a finger, he was raised by his grandmother (single parent) and believes that since she took care of their home with no help that i should be able to do the same. i dont cook everyday but im the only one that does, i dont clean everyday either bc he makes huge messes when he comes home and may clean once a month. our sex SUX he is uninterested in my pleasure, but he says he loves me soo much and wants to be with me forever...how do i handle this? talking doesnt help bc ive tried that. im sick..

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Apr. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • OP HERE - he doesnt even take the trash out really, i do that! the grass needs to be cut and he gives me shit ab having to pay someone to do it. what do i do? we get along, but only bc i let all the bs slide, what am i to do? do i just bitch him out everytime i want something done? he also goes out with his friends at least 2 times a week if not just to sit at their house and chill. i never get to do anything other than kids and work mostly. i want to go out and have fun too, i want to be able to have friends, and i want to be able to leave the house without my kids around my ankles. but he acts like he is dying when he gets home from work and i usually get suckered into staying home...what do i do? i have no where to go, he pays all the bills, my moms home is too small for me and my kids, and i dont work enough to make bills on my own? do i tolerate it, or just nag and moan...i am confused
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:53 PM on Apr. 24, 2010

  • You're not the only one in that boat. I clean the house and work and take out the trash and mow the lawn and pull weeds ect....The only thing I can tell you is to do your work, then tell him that he needs to take you out, or that you need to get out of the house and have a break. I know that sounds stupid..but I'm married to a man that is mexican and thinks that all of this is my job, and the only time he is willing to take me out is if I make sure to keep the house clean and point out ALL that I've done to deserve to go out with him (cause I can't go to the bar or anything alone). #1, you can suck it up, #2, you can fight for a better life, or #3, you can leave...I do one and two. With men you have to give alot to get alittle. There may be a better man out there...but how many are you going to have to go through to get to that one? If you love him...find a way to meet your needs too. talk about change, or your leave.
    GotToHaveFaith

    Answer by GotToHaveFaith at 12:09 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • why do you say you have no where to go,, what did you do 4 years ago? where did you live? yes it is harder with 2 kids, but if you really think the marriage is over there are lots of options... you can even go back to school and live in the dorms if you have to. if you lived with your mom you could get a job and pay bills or at least till you find a place of your own.. and plus the dad would have the kids for visits.. but i don't think you want to leave, so you need to start standing up for yourself and setting boundaries. tell him the things you will and wont do.. tell him that you are not satisfied in bed and tell him what you want.. i am sure you were a strong independent woman when he met you, so be that woman again,, its your life take control of it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:28 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • I'm going to keep it real with you because this is what I would do. You tell him to get it together, or you will find someone else who can meet your needs. Stop allowing this man to call the shots. You start demanding what you want, and mean it. Let him know that you are NOT HIS GRANDMOTHER, and he will start helping out. Single moms do it all the time, but you are married, and if he won't satisfy you in bed, someone else will, no man wants to hear that. You start being the man and woman in the house, tell him he will get his title back once he earn it. I agree with everyone else, get your house back, TAKE CONTROL, demand sex, demand boundaries, or he walks, simple as that.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 8:53 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Talking does not work. You will have to fight hard and he will fight back hard, believe me. As for him taking the kids for visits if you split up, don't count on it or think he will pay child support. You aren't stuck with him but you are going to have to work to support yourself. Most men are this way so as the previous poster said, how many will you have to go through to find one who does most of what you need? Don't look to men for anything.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Tell him if he wants to live with you forever then he better step up to the plate and take care of business or he's not getting his wish. If he thinks you are bluffing then start taking classes. Show him you are planning to have a better future by getting an education that will lead to a better job and then independence. That will take time but it also gives him time to see you mean it. If you are in a bigger hurry you could get a full time job through some temp agencies and really scare the crap out of him. So many men think they can treat women like this bc the men feel empowered by them making the money. Well just turn the tables and watch him pay attention to you more. Once you empower yourself then he knows he's no longer in control and you could truly leave. Tell him what you want from him and don't settle for less than that. List them all so you don't forget.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:41 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • You make it sound so easy. What about the kids coming from a broken home? Is it best to stick it out and try to make the best of it. Talking can only do so much especially when it is one sided.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

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