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My unanswered question...

I am married to a man that literally loves me from the crown of my head to the sole of my feet, he would without a doubt climb the highest mountain and swim the deepest sea but for some reason I can't love him the same way. I love my husband but I am not in love with him I never have been... How do you fall in love with someone? I have been trying for 3 years but as the reality set in that I will be in a loveless marriage for the rest of my life I feel a lil more depressed everyday.If your wondering why I married him... Our child... I want her to have the family I never had but I can honestly say I have almost the perfect man so why can't I fall in love with him???

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:42 AM on Apr. 25, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • It sounds like you are trying to force yourself to feel a certain way and putting too much pressure on yourself. Forget about Hollywood romance, for get about being swept off your feet - just try to enjoy his friendship for now. Just enjoy his company, and let the rest follow. Don't get down on yourself or try to force yourself to feel something. It could still happen in time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:50 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Love is real, the way you feel is real, love is not something that you can make yourself feel and as far as marrying this guy , well now you have managed to fall into the same catagory as your childhood despite your actions .The 1st action getting pregnant before knowing if you lovd this ma is #1.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:48 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Instead of thinking how much you don't love him, think about what you do like and love about him.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:22 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • I am in the same postion...but it has been 5 years for me...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:31 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • what do you mean you are not in love? do you mean that infatuation feeling that you get when your first meet someone,, married love is deeper and better than that. do you. what feeling are you looking for? I heard once if you want to feel in love then do loving things, find ways to get closer to him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:39 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • If you are looking for that heart-racing, excited kind of feeling......QUIT. Yes, movies & Hollywood have destroyed many marriages by making BOTH men & women feel that they SHOULD be feeling like Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie. I bet that B&J don't even feel that way. As love matures, you stop thinking about how "feel" inside and realize what you "know" inside. Exactly like your said, he would climb the highest mountain, and swim the deepest sea. It's a commitment. Not only with your heart, but with your MIND. I think for men, it's a conscious decision to love us. BTW, I'm married to the same man, LOL. I've often described him in the same way as you. We want to feel these "giddy" emotions, but that's a little self-centered. My husband focuses on me and my needs & my son's needs. Try focusing on your husband's needs/wants.

    You also may be having some hormone imbalances since the child. Talk to a dr if you feel depressed.GL
    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 9:18 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Because you are one of those women who cannot appreciate a good man.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 9:36 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Reality is that the kind of love you're trying to induce in yourself isn't real or lasting. You seem to be looking at the infatuation/hormonal aspect of falling in love. I've been with my DH for 10 years now--- having that hormonal love wear off was really hard on both of us. I took some time, did a lot of research on lifelong marriage, and accepted it. We are beyond the hormones, and now, love is true and more meaningful because we honest to goodness choose one another. There are not "rose colored glasses" that make us accept each other. I love him- and I choose him... and I will every day for the rest of my life. He's the same way with me.

    It took a lot of attitude adjustment and some grieving (that hormonal driven love is fun), but now I'm much happier in our marriage and looking our life together extending out beyond the horizen.

    PM me if you want to talk.
    IrishMommaC

    Answer by IrishMommaC at 9:48 AM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • You can have a perfect recipe but if the ingredients are not balanced then the cake isn't so great. If you two don't love each other equally the cake (marriage) might taste ok but it's certainly going to be uneven. That's just not fair to you. If you are not happy then he will know it and eventually your child will know it. Do you want her to grow up and think a loveless marriage is the way it's supposed to be in life? Figure out what's important
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:13 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • I have a feeling you may love him more that you think you do. What if he left you for someone that loved him, how would you feel? Think about that...you may be surprised at how much you do love him. Sounds like he's so perfect you haven't had the chance to think about what and how you'd feel if you lost him.............Good luck

    zbee

    Answer by zbee at 12:37 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

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