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Do you think this is selfish?

I used to want more than one child, until more recently. My daughter is almost 2 now and I'm just not sure that I can handle the newborn stage again. She was a VERY difficult newborn. I swear she cried the entire first 3 months and I seriously thought that I was going to lose my mind. Also recently, I lost all of my baby weight and I'm in great shape and feel very confident. Pregnancy is very difficult for me as I am high risk and have to do bedrest which made me gain a ton of weight. I guess I just don't want to lose my body all over again. I feel guilty, but at the same time I think, the more kids we have, the less we'll be able to give them. My husband is starting to feel the same way. Initially, we both wanted more, but I don't think either of us wants this family dynamic to change now. Has anyone else felt like this?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on Apr. 25, 2010 in Just for Fun

This question is closed.
Answers (31)
  • i know EXACTLY how you feel. especially about not wanting to loose your body again, & going through the newborn stage. but at the same time, i know that i want at least two kids. i have a son, i need to try for a daughter - and i think life can be alot more enjoyable with at least one sibling. i was an only child until i was 12, but my parents were divorced - so it was just me and my mom alot, so i didnt even have to share her attention with my dad so it wasnt that bad. then my mom got remarried to a guy who a son, and my dad had a child with my stepmother and i really really enjoy having siblings, but i loved being an only child too. but if my mom and dad were still married & it wasnt just me and my mom, i think it might not have been as fun. but whatever you choose, im sure will be okay.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 12:57 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Do what is right for your family. A lot of people don't want more than one.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:45 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Well I would say keep what works for you. There is no way to tell if the next pregnancy will be the same or different. I had one wonderful one and then a horrible one the last one was a breeze. Just for your own piece of mind take it easy and go with the flow for now.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 12:48 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • I don't feel it is selfish. I just hope you don't regret giving your child a sibling someday. My first pregnancy was AWFUL. It was awful. I was horribly sick the entire 9 months, in and out of the ER. I even had to wear a medical pump which shot liquid zofran into my body. Here I am pregnant again. I want my DD to have a sibling. This pregnancy sucks too, but honestly it is not AS BAD.


    My DH and I are big on siblings because WE have them.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Your child isn't going to have anyone to turn to when you and your Hubby are gone. I have 3 sisters and no parents anymore, if it weren't for having my sisters I don't know what I would have done when I lost my parents.... Just a thought.
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 1:22 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • That's what I think of too MrsLeft. My DH lost his mother last year. If he didn't have his brother and sister, it would have been that much harder on him to deal with.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:24 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • If you don't want to deal with pregnancy and the infant stage again, why not look into adopting a slightly older child in a few years. Look into the foster system and kids that are 3 years old or older if you worry about your child not having a sibling. Kids over 3 years old have a hard time getting adopted because all anyone wants are infants. And the foster system allows you adopt for almost no cost.

    Birthing children is not the only way to have kids! Our country has over 100,000 kids looking for loving homes. So, think about it for a few years. :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:44 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • I hear you loud and clear. We weren't planning on a 3rd. my youngest was 3 years old, I was starting to feel like "me" again, then bam, I'm pregnant again regardless of all the preventative measures we were taking. He's four months old now and I fel like I'm losing my effin mind. In my worst moments, I get mad that I listened to people when they told me to not put him up for adoption. I get mad that I didn't divorce my husband and give him custody of the baby. But like I said, those are at my absolute worst moments when I think those things. I am absolutely refusing to have any more. Some people are meant to have a ton of babies, others are not. You do what is best for you. If you think you'd be less of a parent to the one you already have if you had a 2nd, then it is not selfish. You are doing what is good for the one you already have. If a 2nd one comes along then you just have to make the most of your situation..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:54 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • ...cont.. wether that be to alter your life to welcome the new addition or to give him up for adoption. Only you know what is best for you and your child(ren) and to hell with what anyone else thinks. I am doing my best to be as good a parent to all 3 mine as I was before the 3rd was born and it is HARD. For me it is anyway, there are some women out there that want 20 babies and can live that life without breaking a sweat. I'm not one of them.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • If my husband were to ask me now to start trying again, I would tell him he's out of his ever lovin mind! granted, I did half of my pregnancy alone (he's deployed), was induced for pre eclampsia, he missed the birth, was only here for a little over 2 weeks and I've been doing the baby thing by myself since then. It was also a very uncomfortable healing process between the third degree tear and getting the stomach flu and passing out in the shower. I am not ready to have another baby and it will be a long time before I am. For now, I am as happy and fulfilled (and stressed out) as I have ever been, I think I'll just enjoy it for a while.
    rhianna1708

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 2:08 PM on Apr. 25, 2010