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i dont know if i should stay out of it or not

ok so i am a step mom to a 5 year boy. i have been his step mom for 3 years now and i would say he is a great kid but here lately he has been acting up really bad! he doesnt listen to me or his dad he throughs this huge fits over everything and he is now starting to hits us and if he doesnt get his way he will try to either hurt us or himself or anything that is a round. me and my husband have talked to his mom about this and she says he does the samething but she does nothing about it . so i am so lost i have no idea if I (being the stepmom) should step in and do something or if i should just let his parents deal with him. i am just worried that my son (who is 4 ) is going to pick up on this behavior. i am confused . please help if u can

 
shannonsmom555

Asked by shannonsmom555 at 3:21 PM on Apr. 25, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 17 (4,154 Credits)
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Answers (7)
  • i would never let that fly. my SKs know that they will not get away with tantrums and such with me or their father. their mother on the otherhand they know if they cry enough she will probably give in.

    so, i think if you have ideas on how to help the situation, then you need to talk to DH about it, and then start implementing. there should definately be some consequences. and if BM is on good terms, maybe tell her, hey we have started doing this here when he throws his fits....it has been working okay or we are making progress or whatever fits the situation.

    good luck. you are a parent to him - even if its not bio. and I understand worrying about how he will affect your own son. dont be afraid to have a voice in your home.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:43 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • If he is at your home, in your care then you need to deal with the situation. Let his Mom deal with it (or not) her way at her home.
    That is the way I have always handled it. We have house rules for all of our children and when my stepchildren are at my home they go by my rules, the same ones my children do.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • I have found that children know who they can an can't get away with bad behavior with. Parents are usually the last to know, caretakers the first. :) I think you and your husband need to sit down and decide on how discipline should work when he is with you and then both of you follow through on it. He will learn that he can't act the same way at your home as he does at his other home.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 3:26 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • I agree that if he is in your care, you need to feel at liberty to discipline him. However, I would start by having a talk with the parents and let them know that's what needs to happen. See if you can get them behind you. Good luck!
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 3:26 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • well being stepmom has nothing to do with it! your now his mom as well and should handle it the way you would handle your own. if he is hitting you or hurting himself thier is prolly a reason for it that is deep down that he has a hard time talking about. if he goes to school he might have something going on at school that he wants or needs to talk about but doesnt know how to tell you. try takeing him somewhere with just you and him or maybe your husband can.but try taking him somewhere just the two of you and then slowly start to ask him questions. start with regular conversation then after awhile of that then ask him questions. if that doesnt work have him draw you a picture. sit him in a place all by himself when he is angry and have him draw you a picture of how he feels. i have taken some phsycology classes and that is what i have learned to do. i only wish it helps with my 3 year old! well good luck!!!!
    19_klayton

    Answer by 19_klayton at 3:28 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • i take care of a 3 yr old whose a huge tantrum thrower when he's with his parents. When he's with me he's an angel. its all about how much you let him get away with. When the 3 yr old first came to me he would test me too, when he would throw a tantrum i would tell him I didnt want to hear him cry and if he had to do it then he could do it in his room. And I would just put him in his room and close the door. the first couple of times he would cry for what seemed like hours, now it doesn't last a whole minute.
    Christina2135

    Answer by Christina2135 at 3:30 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

  • Well looks to me like he is having tantrums obviously, find out what triggers it. I dont believe you have the right to spank him or yell at him in a mean way, but you do have a right to pick him up and sit him on the sofa or in the corner and tell him that he is not going to act like this. Or put him in his room, if you guys have one for him. Talk to his father, and tell him that you want to be able to step in calmly and stop him from acting up. I would assume he would agree. Also if you get along with the mom then talk to her. Obviously she isnt doing anything at her house.
    bellamommyof4

    Answer by bellamommyof4 at 4:25 PM on Apr. 25, 2010

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