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I need support please.

I have a 23 yr old son that lives in Florida. About 2 weeks ago I went to visit for a week. On the third day we go into an argument over something that happened over ten years ago. He said aweful things to me that crushed my heart. He told me he wished I would kill myself, it would be better that I was dead and he hated me. I felt as tho he and his girlfriend were ganging up on me. They both said terrible things I told em I cant take this anymore and I wanted to go home. My flight wasnt due out until a day and a half later. He told me to get my stuff im taking you to the airport. He and his girlfriend drove me there, I was begging him please don't leave me there by myself alnight. His girlfriend told me "you got what you wanted". He took my bags out of the trunk and left me there sobbing and was begging him please dont leave me and watched him drive off. I felt like a dog being dropped off somewhere. It has been over 2 weeks and a cry and hurt everyday. What went wrong?

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Asked by kelo65 at 9:55 AM on Jun. 27, 2008 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (17)
  • WTF??? i dont even know what to say...23 is a little old to be acting that way..i would expect a teenager to say mean things..but at 23 you know better..I don't know what to say because you cant say just forget about him because he is your son and you love him..but i would definatly write to him and tell him that behavior is unacceptable you are still his mom and you deserve respect...i dont know what happened ten years ago though...

    Answer by froghopper at 10:06 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • I would have to know what your son said to even comment. That is the other half of the story. I am sorry you felt hurt and abandoned. All I can say is he must have had a time in his life that he felt hurt and abandoned when he was just 13. I suspect there are things you did/said or did not do/say that he feels contributed to his pain and he is trying to understand it and deal with it. You will need to work this out, look inside yourself and likely apologize or ask forgiveness if it is warranted. You may have some rough times but in the end, you will have a better relationship with your son if you are honest with yourself and him and willing to work it out.

    Answer by manna1qd at 10:35 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • I do not know how long the girlfrend has been in the picture but why is she in it at all. It seems like it made worse by her.

    Answer by madcat500 at 10:36 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • He needs to grow up I went though a lot with my mom but we had it out when I was 19. He is 23 so if he is going to be child about it then there may not be much you can do but tell him you will always love him and be there for him but as long as he chooses to be a giant ass do not allow him to treat you badly. Sadly it will always hurt he is your child.

    Answer by TheEyesDesire at 10:49 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • I raised him by myself his father wasn't involved at all. He would not listen to me at all when he was in his teens. I don't even remember what happened but I had slaped him in the face. That was the one and only time I layed a hand on him. I spent for ever apologizing to him trying to make it up to him. I thought things were ok. He played sports i was there for every game he ever had, we went camping and it never appeared as if he held a grudge until now, he had said he had forgiven me but apparently not

    Answer by kelo65 at 11:23 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • I had an extremely volitile relationship with two of my daughters that are 10 years apart. I said and did things I am not proud of but would probably due again simply because of the way the girls were. Some things I think I would do different. Both girls are extremely close to me today but it has more to do with the fact they have kids of their own now and are experiencing some of the same issues with their own kids. They both repeatedly apologize to me for the way the acted when they were teenagers now and know that I had their best interest at heart. I did the best I could with what I knew at the time.

    Answer by EdnaFugate at 11:41 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • it would be nice to think the arguements/blowups that happen at 18/19 get all the hurt and regrets spoken. I can tell you in my experience it doesn't always happen that way. This kid feel hurt in some way, real or imagined, I don't know. If it was my son, and it HAS been my son, I just told him I understood he felt hurt/angry (whatever the emotion) by whatever happened. When he was ready to talk about it rationally w/o personal attacks I would be there for him. The ball was then in his court. He may come around quickly, or it could take years. It is okay to let him know he hurt you too. Nobodya perfect. We've all either screwed up or will screw up. I've tried to tell my own children "i did the best I knew how at the time. When I knew better I did better" That's the most any of us can do.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 12:28 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • I agree he needs to respect you not treat you with disrespect. I would write him a letter saying: You might apologize again for the incident you think this might be about but say that without having a calm discussion about what is bothering him without the girlfriend present you are in the dark about his anger. Give him some perspective to the struggles you went thru trying to raise him all by yourself and that you did the best you could. What matters is that by him not giving you a reason for his behavior or a chance for forgiveness he is fostering a resentment that will continue to fester in his life and hold him back. If he ever wishes to have children in the future he needs to deal with what is bothering him about your relationship, and get it resolved. All you can do is that and that is all God asks us to do is try. He realizes it's a two way street, he just does not want you to give up like your son is. Hope this helps. Eileen

    Answer by EileenMarie at 12:39 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • Without knowing his side...It sounds to me like he has issues in his life and maybe the girlfriend has convinced him you are to blame. You and your son need to talk things out WITHOUT the girlfriend getting involved.

    Answer by ALolies at 12:39 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • without knowing what hapened all those years ago its hard to say what to do - he shouldnt have done that and i am pretty sure since most girlfriends are super sensitive about the mom subject she probably was spuring him on - but you cant blame her for his choice on how to act.
    i am sorry you are sad but i cant say much without background info.

    Answer by vakatia at 1:28 PM on Jun. 27, 2008

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